Written by Ferrer
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Topics: Scientists, british

Sunday, 12 February 2006

image for Disco Opens Cold Fusion Olympic Games
Crowds were waiting for more sunshine

TURIN, Italy (UPDATE) -- Four cold fusion scientists were suspended, and the world's top-ranked calorimetrist, the British Martin Fleischmann, was barred from the Cold Fusion Olympic Games here on Friday. Hours later, Olympic competitors marched into the opening ceremony to the sounds of disco music.

However, Stanley Pons, who missed this year's Ground Hog day festival on Feb 2nd, was reportedly not attending and back in France awaiting the return of Sheryl Crow at the Tour de France 06. Nonetheless, there were two cold fusion experimentalists who trained hard and were ready to compete before being disqualified because of high altitude training.

Ed Storms, a nuclear chemist who has trained hard for this years' Olympic event back in mountains near Sante Fe, is known for his calorimetric free style and was reported to have said "see you back in the states" when he heard the disappointing news that disco was making a comeback.

"I've heard enough of K.C and the Sunshine Band for one lifetime," Storms said. "I miss the rock and roll."

Dennis Cravens, another cold fusion chemist trained at 8,000 feet in Cloudcroft, NM and is an avid fan of Weezer's "Island in the Sun." Although he's also a chemist, he insists he's free of steroids unlike a lot of the hot fusion scientific community, who he suspects is behind the effort to revive disco.

"Hot fusion is focused on steroid use and I suspect they are good at masking those steroids," Cravens said. "We like to use natural chemistry as a stimulus to coax out a LENR reaction towards a cleaner energy future with cold fusion someday."

Storms continued, "It may take a lot of pressure, but we need better funded cold fusion R&D. Like Led Zeppelin singer Robert Plant says, 'Shine it all around, well, we're still waiting for more sunshine.'"

The Olympic games have now closed but hopes are not dashed. Crowds at this year's winter games were fairly sparse, possibly due to radiation film badge requirements as a safety precaution, but this requirement was lifted when the four cold fusion scientists were disqualified. However, with added research and precautions this could probably be addressed at the next major ski event. There were rumors Storms went to Alaska to prepare for the Iditarod.

The retired Alpine skier Alberto Tomba, a three-time Olympic gold medal winner from Italy, accepted the Olympic torch at the end of this year's opening ceremony in Turin. Spectators however, were looking forward to the next cold fusion sporting event.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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