New York City - A homeless woman here cried out to God to help her find food to feed her and her three year-old child, saying, "Oh, please, God. Don't let my baby die!" God replied an hour later.
"I had to tell her 'no way,'" God said. "I realize she's hurting and her child is starving, but Tim Tebow just got a hold of me and asked me to help him with this fourth down and three yards pass. I want him to get the first down. So. You know. A God's gotta do what a God's gotta do."
God said that he knew a lot of people were suffering, but if Tebow didn't make this short-screen pass which would put the Broncos in position for a touchdown, He could never forgive Himself.
"My team has to win," said God. "If they don't, then that reflects somehow on my own, personal sense of self worth - as if I had lost something. So, in order to feel good about myself, I have to live my life through another person's success. You understand?"
The homeless woman said she did understand and relented. "If God sees fit to help the Broncos win while ignoring the greater problems of our society, then who am I to complain? LONG LIVE GOD AND THE BRONCOS! Oh. Hey. A chicken bone. We'll have a feast!"