The London Olympic organisers have today revealed that thousands of tickets to the London 2012 Olympics have now suddenly become available.
In a hastily-convened press reception at the Old Vic in the East End of London, Lord Notcoe, a spokesperson for Lord Coe, outlined some of the events that people can pay outrageous sums for on the internet and have the money deducted from their credit cards months before receiving their tickets.
Tickets are now available on a first-come first-conned basis for:
Underwater hang-gliding - this event takes place in the River Thames, a mile from the O2 White Elephant Arena.
Heading the Shot - held on both or either Olympic Saturdays or Sundays on the Bristol Parkway railway platform.
Underwater snooker - at Rushmere Lake on Wimbledon Common (with permission from the Wombles)
Catching the Javelin - recently introduced by the late Polish Javelin-catching team, this relatively new sport looks set to draw the crowds keen to see people be fatally injured at the new, purpose-build stadium on the site of an old burnt-out furniture store in Tottenham.