Written by Joe Leff
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Wednesday, 4 January 2012

QPR captain Joey Barton is contemplating (mmm - that's quite newsworthy in itself!), well, 'considering' legal action.

He reckons he could sue the referee for his actions in last week's game against Norwich City.

"It's the way he flashed his red card - right in me face. It was 'orrible - all covered in snot and spittle from other players. I was nearly sick."

Barton is fed up of seeing red. "I prefer pale blue or white - it's more peaceful," he added, with a gentle smirk.

"The referee also blew his whistle loads of times," said Barton. "During one blast, I was only about 5 yards away. It was 'orrible. It really does me 'ead in."

Barton is enlisting the help of his team-mates in an effort to stamp out this unruly use of the whistle. He will also be asking the FA to insist that all referees fit silencers to their whistles (especially Acme Thunderers).

"Let's just all let the game flow in peace," he said, rather poetically.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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