Written by Alan Bama
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Thursday, 29 December 2011

Kenny Dalglish has been delighted with the recent form of Luis Suarez this year. "He is racking up game bans like no one else - its been really superb - it gives the whole squad a lift to know he wont be playing". Dalglish and his players plan to warm up wearing Suarez hot pants at the Newcastle game, to show solidarity and to flog some merchandise.

King Kenny also welcomes back Steve Gerard to reprise his cameo role as the player with poorly leg, which has stolen the hearts of many young fans on Merseyside this season.

First team coach Steve Clarke said, "Kenny is an idiot - he and his old golfing pal Alan Hanson can't spot a racist remark from fifty paces. It would be far better to have all of our players fit and legal to play. Kenny says its great to create a siege mentality, With the squad thinking that the whole world is against them. But this is Liverpool: the whole world is against them!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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