Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 27 December 2011

image for The Los Angeles Lakers Start Off the NBA Season at 0-2, Kobe Bryant Asks To Be Traded
A Cleveland NBA fan on his way to a Cavaliers basketball game. (Photo by Drew Carey).

LOS ANGELES - The once high-flying Lakers of Los Angeles seem to have left with the dreaded Santa Ana Winds.

The Lakers of today are certainly not the Lakers of old when they had the likes of Kobe Bryant Shaquille O'Neal, Derek Fisher, Lamar Odom and company hitting on all four cylinders.

Today, Lamar Odom and his wife Khloe Kardashian have been traded to the world champion Dallas Mavericks. O'Neal is talking about becoming a Southern sheriff.

Fisher has shown that he would rather be wearing a dark gray suit than the blue and gold Laker's uniform. And Bryant is going through a divorce that will most probably affect his game although not anywhere near as much as it is going to affect his wallet.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: According to my fabulous know-it-all friend the one and only Larry King, Kobe can expect to end up paying the very beautiful and soon-to-be-available Vanessa Bryant every bit of $180 million.]

Even one of the Lakers owners Magic Johnson has said that the Lakers are not going to make it into the finals and will be lucky to get into the playoffs.

He noted that Kobe is very depressed about his bruised marital ego. Johnson added that King Kobe is also playing in pain with a torn wrist ligament, athlete's foot, a mild case of dandruff, and a brand new tattoo that appears to have become somewhat infected.

Kobe told Sports Territory Magazine's Oglethorpe Ogletree that he has asked to be traded. Oglethorpe asked him what team he would like to be traded to Bryant shrugged his shoulders and said, "I guess probably to the Miami Heat."

When told that in order for that to happen the Heat would probably have to trade away their entire bench plus throw in $100 million, plus a luxurious yacht, a Lear jet, and a block of prime downtown Miami property he shook his head and said, "Well guess dat ain't gonna happen huh?"

Kobe then in a fit of exasperation said that at this point he would settle for being traded to the Cleveland Cavaliers because that way he would at least get away from all of the Tinsel Town, gold digging, sexy, little, svelte, PTing cuties who are only after his wads and wads of cash.

Ogletree added that Kobe told him that he heard from Cavaliers player Antawn Jamison (#4) that the fishing on Lake Erie is great during the winter time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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