The increasing list of ill, injured players at Man Utd goes only to prove that the medical care on offer at the club is not quite adequate for a top-level professional footie club.
Without mentioning too many names (boring) it seems that the likes of Ferdinand, Owen (who?), Anderson (who?), Rafael + his brother, etc, are not receiving the correct medical treatments and have everlasting injuries caused mainly by carrying their over-weight pay packages.
In an effort to halt this run of injuries United contacted the NHS (who?) and asked for help, they then came up with a brilliant solution. Locked away in the vaults of a Manchester hospital is an embalmed skeleton of Florence Nighingale with her lamp hanging over her rather boney arm (not M). She of Boer war fame could get legless soldiers back on their feet within 2 hours and the armless back in the trenches within an hour (it was a spiritual thing).
The local NHS have decided to lend the embalmed skeleton to Utd in the hope that if Florence is standing in the corner of their medical bay it would be a source of inspriation for Utd's over-paid, spoilt injured players to get off of their butts, return to the front and join in the battle to conquer those fiendish foes at the other end of the City.
The first miracle has worked, Phil jones, knocked out against Fulham, has made an astonishing recovery after rubbing Florence's lamp and now United fans are hoping the others can massage it too!