Written by jd Balderdash
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Monday, 6 February 2006

image for Mick Jagger in Stable Condition After Rolling Stones Almost Rock the Super Bowl

"Good thing he didn't try Tumbling Dice" physicians said after Mick Jagger collapsed with level 2 aortic cardiac failure following his blazing Super Bowl performance where he danced the equivalent of 1100 yards exceeding the total yardage gained by any running back the in the history of the Super Bowl.

Keith Richards, lead guitarist also suffered minor cardiac fluctuations but was treated and almost released after falling backwards, crashing into Charlie Watts's drum set, Watts himself making a good recovery from throat cancer at age 63, three years younger than 6 decades, 2 years older than Jedi Master "Yoda".

"That's why I (cough) don't sing much" Watts recently whispered to reporters during a Stones interview in London in December where the Stones received a lifetime achievement award for simply being alive at their age.

Viewers at home did not witness Jagger collapse and tumble offstage into a cold vat of Gatoraide 4 minutes after the Stones concluded their rousing rendition of their 60's hit, "Satisfaction" of which according to Jagger, "He couldn't get no".

"After they took their well deserved bow I thought everything was OK" one fan at the game said.

Unfortunately Jagger suffered a major coronary immediately after ABC cut to a Budweiser commercial where President Lincoln downs a cold glass of Bud Light before .. BANG!

The Pittsburg Steelers who waltzed away with the victory suffered no cardiac arrests or serious injuries issued the following statement after learning of Jagger's collapse,

"Like taking candy .. EH Seahawks? Like taking candy from little baby girlie girls EH Seahawks?".

ABC again cut away to another Bud Light commercial before home viewers could see the knock down dragout locker room brawl between the Pittsburg Steelers and the Seattle Seahawks stemming from that remark.

The Rolling Stones, with a collective age of over 5 centuries continue to confound, dazzle and amaze audiences world-wide for simply showing up.

Mick Jagger, awake and almost responsive at Detroit Memorial Hospital told reporters that he would not be doing THAT particular 3 song performance in the near future without the aid of a wheelchair.

"And a respirator perhaps" Jagger added.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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