Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 12 December 2011

image for The Dallas Cowboys Lose Another Game After The Kicker Is Iced - It's Got To Be A Friggin Curse!
This is the football that Cowboys kicker Dan Bailey missed on his field goal attempt.

DALLAS - Perhaps Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones can use his influence with the rest of the NFL owners and see about making a new NFL rule doing away with the fourth quarter.

For the second week in a row the Cowboys have had the outcome of the game come down to a late in the game coach's field goal kickers ploy known as icing the kicker.

With the New York Giants leading 37-34, Cowboys rookie kicker Dan Bailey, who during the season has been magnificent, was called upon to kick a field goal that would have tied the game and sent it into overtime.

And Danny Boy the Cowboy did what he was supposed to do. He put his foot to the ball and it sailed 47 yards through the uprights - but hold your horses cowboys, and cowgirls, and cowkids.

Over on the Giants sideline, Coach Tom "Tom-Tom" Coughlin called a timeout just before the ball was snapped.

And so the field goal did not count and Bailey would have to kick the ball again. 95,952 Cowboy fans held their collective yippee-ki-yay breaths. No one made a yodeling sound. Even the infamous high-kicking, tight-as-hell, white spandex, short shorts wearing Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders stopped hollering and put their pom poms to their sides.

The ball was snapped, the holder held, the kicker kicked, and Giants player Jason Pierre Paul leaped 14 feet into the air and blocked the ball. The football warbled in the air and looked like Joan Rivers on her way to yet another botox treatment.

The ball fell like a shot vulture to the Astroturf. No one even bothered to pick the ball up. Finally one of the Cowboy Stadium security guards retrieved the ball and tossed it in the trash - nobody wanted to touch that piece of pigskin crapola.

Coach Jason Garrett shook his head, took of his cap, and ran his fingers through his red hair. Tony Romo standing on the sidelines muttered "What da eff?" Jerry Jones up in his multi-million dollar designer suite nearly choked on a nacho.

And one of the Dallas cheerleaders was overheard saying to one of the hot dog vendors that she was afraid that this was going to put one hell of a damper on her Sunday night love session with her boyfriend.

So the Cowpokes managed to squander away a 12 point lead with just 6 minutes left in the game. After the game dozens of sports reporters and sports writers asked a hundred questions.

Coach Garrett, who only admitted to his players last week that last weeks loss was his fault due to his icing the kicker just shook his head. He replied that maybe it was the wind.

Sports Territory Magazine's Oglethorpe Ogletree reminded him that they were playing in a domed stadium and not at the open to the elements Lambeau Field up in Green Bay.

So needless to say the excuses came flowing out of the Cowboy bunkhouse like curse words out of Madonna's potty mouth.

Outside linebacker DeMarcus Ware, who was called for a crucial final drive penalty said that the crowd was just too loud. Wide receiver Miles Austin, the former boyfriend of Kim "72 Days" Kardashian said that the lights were just too bright. And cornerback Terence Newman said that he had a sore throat.

A full hour later Tony Romo sat all alone in the Cowboys locker room, worn out and dejected; totally naked except for his football helmet.

And Tony, really put it all in perspective as he whispered to himself..."Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! It's got to be the damn curse of Jessica Simpson!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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