Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 27 November 2011

image for The Dallas Cowboys Organization Silences Melissa Kellerman, The Cowboy Cheerleader Who Was Tackled On The Sidelines
Melissa Kellerman amazingly survived being injured when tackled by Cowboys receiver Jason Witten.

DALLAS - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones prides himself in running a very tight ship, but in the case of the Cowboys cheerleader who was tackled by Dallas tight end Jason Witten the ship got a whole lot tighter.

By now, just about everyone who did not see the Thanksgiving Day game in which The Dallas Cowboys beat the The Miami Dolphins 20-19 has seen the game replay of 22-year-old Melissa Kellerman getting knocked down by 6-foot-5-inch, 265 pound Jason Witten.

Witten had caught a Tony Romo pass and then ran out of bounds crashing into the very attractive, svelte Melissa Kellerman.

Both Witten and Kellerman ended up on the Astroturf as millions of viewers watched and wondered if the Cowboys rah rah rah girl was okay.

There was no doubt that Witten was fine since he was wearing 18 pounds of protection including a helmet, shoulder pads, knee pads, thigh pads, hip pads, rib pads, an iPad, and a groin pad.

Miss Kellerman however was wearing a tiny, little, thin, blue halter top, white cowgirl boots, and the smallest and tightest white stretch short shorts manufactured in America.

As the two laid on the ground the entire stadium gasped in extreme concern. Everyone noticed that Miss Melissa had gotten hit so hard that her cheerleading pom poms had flown out of her hands and literally ended up in the third row.

No doubt Melissa's personal pom poms will be sore for days and could even have some bruising, which only her extremely lucky, unnamed boyfriend will know about.

Tight end Jason Witten got up and quickly helped fellow tight end Melissa Kellerman to her feet. The good old girl was smiling and did not even complain about the Astroturf burns on her knees.

Amazingly enough her pantyhose did not get torn and there is definitely a pantyhose commercial in Kellerman's future in that regard.

As soon as Jerry Jones, who was watching from his multi-million dollar personal suite, saw what had transpired he quickly rushed down to the field to make sure that his cheerleader was okay.

He asked Kellerman how she was feeling. She told him that she was fine. Jones then pulled out an injury waver document which he asked her to sign.

Jones then told her that he did not want her to talk to any of the sports reporters or members of the entertainment media including FOX Sports, ESPN1, ESPN2, CNN, Tittle Tattle Tonight, Telemundo, The Weather Channel, iRumors, members of The Foreign Press, or Piers Morgan.

At that point Melissa told him that she was starting to feel a little dizzy. He smiled and told her that she could take the rest of the game off and invited her to watch the game from his luxuriously exquisite personal private suite along with his wife, children, and grandchildren.

On their way up to his private suite he stopped and bought her a hot dog, a bag of popcorn, a Jerry Jones Bobblehead Doll, and a Diet Big Red Soda.

The next day, Melissa went into Twitter and wrote two tweet messages saying that her hair was fine and denying the rumor that she had been approached by the 0-10 Indianapolis Colts about signing with them and becoming a member of their kickoff team. Jerry Jones called her up immediately and told her to delete her Twitter account which she did.

She told him that Barbara Walters wanted her to appear on The View and Jones said that it was not going to happen.

Kellerman then asked if she could appear on The Today Show.

"Nope." Came the reply from Jones.

"How about The Tonight Show with Jay Leno? The Late Show with David Letterman? Anderson Cooper's 360? The Ellen DeGeneres Show? or Growing Up Kardashian? Asked an excited Kellerman.

"No, no, no, no, and hell no!" came the reply from King Jerry The First.

SIDENOTE: So it looks like Melissa Kellerman who could have become one of the most famous cheerleaders in the history of professional sports will not even get to have her 15 minutes of fame thanks to Jerry "Mr. Scrooge" Jones.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 3?

3 14 19 5
82 readers are online right now!

Go to top