Fans pummeling Players, Players pummeling Fans, Fans hospitalizing Coaches, Coaches flooring Referees, Cheerleaders trampling Fans, chairs, cokes, bottles and projectiles flying all directions but UP, complete and utter knock down drag-out CHAOS in a wild riotous drunken Roman coliseum FREE FOR ALL where the only rules in the coliseum being .. there ARE no rules!!! Welcome to the NBA's latest cannabis inspired brainchild .. BasketBrawl !!
"I BUSTED the sucker in his CHOPS good and solid" one fan at the Slashers/Slayers game said, telling reporters,
"All I was trying to do was fling a cup of beer on the guy in front of me when all of a sudden Ron Artest of all people runs up and punches me flat in the mouth! I'll KILL the idiot next game I swear I will. I CAN do that right? In BasketBrawl?!"
"No" says NBA commissioner David Stern. "It's just a brawl, a game, NOT a Tieniman Square UPRISING" he said going on to explain the NBA's new sport ..
"NBA ticket sales were plummeting so what could we do? Well, we smoked a couple of .. glaucoma treatments, brainstormed .. finally came up with .. BasketBrawl. We were lucky to recruit Ron from the Pacers to the Slashers. We're trying to get Toby over to the Slayers so stay tuned to ESPN folks, this new league's about to rock!"
Currently the NBA has two official BasketBrawl teams .. the Detroit Slashers and the Indiana Slayers. After last night's game between the two many sports analysts agree ..
"More fun in the stands than on the court .. you may not even NOTICE the actual game with so much pure life-threatening CHAOS going on all around you!"
Ron Artest, recruited by the Slashers from the Detroit Pistons scored 2 points in last night's brawl against the Indiana Slayers accumulating over 5 assaults with a deadly round weapon and injuring over a dozen fans requiring mild to medium court-side medical treatment.
Basketbrawl, played in actual Roman coliseum replicas combines the raw, competitive hoop-shooting goal-tending skills of regular basketball with the raw, competitive unbridled out-of-control raging animal savagery of an East LA Rodney King riot staged in the middle of downtown Baghdad on a bad car bomber day. One sportscaster at the Detroit game said,
"We know the games are low-scoring but with each goal surrounded by an alligator pit it's a wonder any points are scored at all. And, I know they're only baby lions running around loose but those little kitties sure can cause a sting if they claw you just right with those cute little paws."
The rules of BasketBrawl are as follows ..
1) There ARE no rules.
2) If there WAS a rule it would be ..
3) NO fatalities prior to the 2 minute warning. After the 2 minute warning?
(insert "HEY song")
(the one where the crowd goes "HEY!") .. here ==> HEY!