Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Monday, 21 November 2011

image for QPR Village People beat Stoke bum fluff
QPR captain without his Hitler moustache

A heavily moustached QPR team had to man up and suck up the hairy banter when they fronted up against an ugly Stoke side on Saturday.

"I told the lads before the game that they looked like a load of gay porn stars and that The Britannia Stadium is no place for nancy boys", said delighted manager Neil Warnock, after his team went home with 3 points and a bucket load of cash for the Movember charity.

"It was always going to be tough playing our facial hair game in front of Stoke fans, who are well known for being the most inbred knuckle draggers in the country" added the QPR manager.

Complaints that homophobic home fans were singing YMCA while dashing winger Jamie Mackie was on the ball and that Joey Barton suffered racial abuse by being called a scouse Adolf Hitler are being investigated by the FA.

But hundreds of Stoke fans also contributed to the Movember charity as the QPR captain was pelted with coins while he was taking corners.

"It was generous of the Stoke retards to donate their benefits money and we have raised £4-95 for a very worthwhile cause", tweeted Joey Barton, who had to have a 50 pence piece surgically removed from his skull after the match.

Stoke employed their own hairy tactics after the team's Director Of Mullets, ex-QPR 1970's porn star Gerry Francis, persuaded beanpole striker Peter Crouch to grow a Zapata moustache.

But that gamble backfired as the bum fluff on Peter Crouch's boat race turned out to be more Rodney Trotter than Freddie Mercury.

"I told you i would look like a plonker Gerry" said Crouchie, as Stoke manager Tony Pulis replaced him with a more hirsute specimen in the second half.

"We put fertiliser and some of Gerry's pigeon droppings on Crouchie's upper lip, but we didn't realise that nature cannot support vegetation at that altitude", explained disappointed Stoke manager Tony Pulis in the post match press conference.

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