Written by Clarkey
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Sunday, 20 November 2011

image for Haye Coming Out Of Re-TOE-rment to Fight Someone who Smashed Him's Brother?
David introduced us to his new 'Amateur Boxing Training Gym'

We spoke to some stocky man who claimed he was an insider of David Haye's camp yesterday, and he claimed that Haye will come out if retirement in March to fight Vitali Klitschko, elder brother of Wladimir, who shook him in Hamburg last year.

At one point late in the interview, our man's foreign wife muttered something to him in her native language, which was understood later by our top class translator, A Clarke, to mean in Kazakhstani 'Come on love, it doesn't take this long to ask the man for a bloody map, the kids are waiting in the car, we're lost!'.

The couple pegged it, so we entered Haye's camp ourselves, to find a middle-aged man knelt next to a punctured tyre of an old morris minor glaring at us from a car-lift over him. 'Next door mate, I'm 'gonna have to put a bloody sign up, I thought he flamin' retired in October' was what he spluttered at us before closing the door in our face.

Nevertheless, we did what the miserable git said, only to see David himself digging in his pockets to hand a young boxer from his gym, while mumbling to him 'I'll give you all this to 'accidentally' stand on my toe as hard as you can as soon as the bell goes to end round 12 in the Vitali fight'. We caught on to him, as he tied to hide his business. We asked him if there was any chance of this fight, and we reiminded him of his very convincing words to rule out any fight as he's retiring, but all he said was 'I'm not ruling out anything. You know how I made sure everyone knew how I wanted to be an actor now I'm retired?'

'Er... yeah' we replied cluelessly.

'Those convincing words, good acting, heh?'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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