Manchester United have signed a 5 year-old super dog called Jack who can do things with a ball that not even Wayne Rooney can do. United scouts spotted the dog doing his amazing tricks in a municipal Manchester park with his owner, Andy a staunch Man city fan.
At first the sight of the United scouts approaching him agitated Jack because he's been brainwashed into being a City fan. Luckily his owner calmed him down and assured the dog that he should sign for United first, let them teach him the ins and outs of the game and then they can flog him to City for millions.
Jack the woof woof is an historical signing for United because they usually attempt to sign up 5 year-old boys, but the FA has forbidden them to sign boys until they are 9 years of age, so United will sign anything that can do miracles with a ball, even a dog. Dolphins tend to be slightly more of a problem because they need a massive swimming pool to perform their tricks.
Paradoxically, United have actually homed in on a 5 year-old Man city fan also called Jack, but this has nothing to do with Jack the woof woof because both stories are too ridiculous to be true!