Written by Backandtotheleft
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Thursday, 17 November 2011

At a press conference celebrating the impact of pay per view viewing on football Sepp Blatter sensationally claimed today that there was no such thing as racism in football and he had no idea what the "dark skinned races" were complaining about.

Sepp said "Football is a game, played with a ball and with feet also sometimes with your hands if you're in goal. Sometimes players will head the ball but not often as this will mess up their hair." He sat for a few moments in complete silence before one of his aids nudged him to continue. "Yes." He said. "If a player receives any racist abuse during a game he should merely shake hands with his abuser at the end and forget all about it."

Strong and controversial views from a man who has 50 ideas a day of which 51 are bad.

The Blat-ster (which he has being trying to get UEFA to call him) went on to fire out more complete gibberish with a unparalleled disregard for anybody who he might offend. "Rape victims probably deserved it. Tiny skirts, tiny shorts, big boobs all the classic do me signs are there."

His audience sat captivated and in stunned silence as two of FIFAs "Blatter damage control" team members moved in but he dodged their holds and continued to send a never ending arc of bull shit into the ears of the waiting journalists saturating everybody within thirty feet of The Blat Man (as he is known to CONMEBOL).

"Africa is full of famine and AIDS because they have displeased God!" Was his next statement which he screamed as his eyes almost burst forth from his skull. A tranquiliser dart found its mark in the side of his head but this just seemed to crank his insanity up a notch.

"Jews are running the world and a Vietnamese man stole all my socks when I was holidaying there." The tranquiliser began to take affect and he fell onto the table breathing heavily. Then the room was suddenly full of tear gas and men in breathing masks entered and confiscated all of the journalists recording equipment. Back and to the Left news was only able to bring you this story after our reporter managed to swallow his recorder and now we bring the truth to you. The horrible truth that FIFA is run by the single most insane man on the planet, also it's possible he might be barefoot the entire time due to the sock theft.

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