Written by Ailov Fischdicks
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Saturday, 12 November 2011

image for Miami Marlins Fans Disappointed With Team's New "Fabulous" Look
Hanley Ramirez, shortstop for the Miami Marlins, modeling the new Marlins uniform and colors on Friday, 11/11/11..

The Miami Marlins Baseball team unveiled their new uniform and colors on Friday night. Many fans had hoped that the leaked logo and color scheme from September was a hoax.

Apparently it was not and many fans are not happy. Long time Marlins fan Chew Bacca from Ft. Lauderdale states that he "would not be caught dead in the new uniform. I'm a very hairy big guy, very manly you know, these new colors would ruin my reputation."

Another fan stated he would refuse to buy any new Miami Marlins gear until the team changes back to its original colors and encourages everyone else to do so.

"I'm gonna start a big facebook group called "Occupy Marlins New Ballpark" and invite all my friends. All 19 of them. And their going to invite all of their friends. We're going to show up to the exhibition game against the Yankees on April 1st wearing the old colors. That'll show 'em not to mess with tradition. Teal, black, and white, forever baby!" Said the anonymous fan.

While most Marlins players refused to share their opinion on the new uniform, Marlins outfielder Logan Morrison tweeted that he "was excited to be modeling the new Marlins uniform on Friday!". However, there are rumors that he was told by Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria that if he did not model the new uniform on Friday night he would be modeling the Marlins Triple-A affiliates, New Orleans Zephyrs, uniform all of next year.

It is also rumored that Jose Reyes and Albert Pujols were each offered a $10 million bonus as compensation for having to wear the new uniform if they decide to sign with the team.

In response to the disappointment of the fans, Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria issued this statement to the media.

"There is no reason for fans to be so upset. After all, we are just following tradition and at the same time being bold and original. It's tradition for the Marlins owner to make the fans hopeful and then break their hearts. Kind of like what Rick Perry was to the republicans.

"For our part, we won the World Series in 2003 and then refused to resign "Pudge" Rodriguez next season, traded D Lee to the Cubs, and slowly dismantled the team giving Marlins fans a slow and painful death.

"Then came some surprisingly successful few years with a lot of young talent poised to be future stars and then the great news of the new ballpark.

"So in order to keep up with the tradition of crushing fans hearts we made the taxpayers pay for the new stadium but we felt that didn't go far enough so hence you got the new uniforms.

"But don't worry fans you can feel at ease knowing the front office is coming up with new and original ways to give you hope and then pull an Obama."

Billy the Marlin could not be reached for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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