Written by Akshay N R
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Friday, 11 November 2011

In a not so surprising development, Brazilian football starlet Neymar, who has been widely touted as the next big thing in football, has revealed that he has a short term memory loss condition. Neymar, 19, read out a pre-written statement at a press conference after he signed a new deal with Santos that would keep him at the club till 2014.

"Today, I would like to reveal to the whole world that I suffer from a short term memory loss condition. I have been having memory losses ever since the first European club became interested in me."

Neymar has been scouted by all the big names in European football over the past couple of years. During all that interest, Neymar has repeatedly heated up discussion and gossip among the transfer rumors by declaring his interest to play for a particular club. The only problem was that that particular club kept changing every few months.

Initially it was thought that Manchester City had secured first refusal over Neymar, but that did not materialize into anything. However, what it did do was to act as the trigger for his condition. After City's apparent first refusal scenario, Neymar simply could not remember what he had said previously. He elaborated about this in the press conference:

"Around the time Manchester City got first refusal over me, I got to know that European clubs were really interested in me. It was around that time that I began to have lapses in my memory. I could not recollect what I had said in the press conferences about my preferred club."

This appears to shed some much needed light over the continued changing of his 'preferred club' in the past couple of years.

In November 2010, Neymar had vividly declared his love for Italian giants Juventus:

"The proposal that I like most is that from Juventus. They have great worldwide appeal. Inter have prestige. Ronaldo played there and he is one of my idols, but I prefer Juventus. I say this without problems - I'd willingly wear the Bianconeri jersey."

Such strong words got the transfer mill buzzing and all Juventini to fantasize about the possibility of seeing Neymar wear the Old Lady's jersey.

However, in a few months' time, Neymar appeared to be wanting to play for Chelsea:

Chelsea's a great club. It's a dream of every player to play at Chelsea. If one day it happens, I will be very happy to come

He once even got Arsenal fans excited when he said (about the Emirates Stadium),

"…the stadium is great; the pitch is too. The [English] weather I don't like all that much, but I could get used to it."

In his press conference after signing a new deal with Santos, Neymar said he does not recollect making any such statements.

"I told you I do not remember anything! I might have said all that because I did not remember which club I was interested in. Sometimes I might have even forgotten which club I was playing for!"

Neymar had also made many statements declaring his love for both Real Madrid AND Barcelona calling them the greatest football clubs ever. His move to Real Madrid appeared to be getting closer and even looked like a done deal with reports all over the world claiming that Real Madrid had signed him for 60 mil Euros.

On that news item, Neymar provided some clarifications in his press conference:

"It appears that I might have agreed a deal in principle with Madrid last week. But then I totally forgot about it and seeing that I had no recollection of the agreement, Santos might have made me sign an extension in order for me to stay here. But honestly, I cannot remember any of it so it is very possible."

The betting world is going bonkers over which club Neymar is likely to declare his interest for next. The bookies believe he will go in a totally different direction and say that PSG is his new interest.

It has to be seen if and when Neymar joins any club at all or if Santos will continue to trick him to sign contract extensions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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