Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 9 November 2011

image for NBA Plantation Workers Still Prefer the Aston Martin DB9

NBA player attorney Jeffrey Kessler asserted yesterday, that his represented union based sports-entertainment employees were simply underpaid "plantation workers". Premium auto dealers around the U.S. might disagree, given recent sales of elite automobiles to "very tall but well dressed unemployed people with large hands".

With upscale personal transportation remaining the ultimate "bling" for an NBA player, high end retailers like the Aston Martin / Ferrari dealership in Los Angeles don't seem to mind the meager wage scale of current players, or even that they are unemployed. "If a banker walked in our dealership, we want to see proof of employment and some financial statements, but my home boys from the Lakers? No paperwork required", commented William Fitzpatrick, dealership sales manager.

Averaging more than $5 million per year, NBA players remain the best paid in all of sports, with many salaries on each team rising nicely above $10 million per year. "They could be out of work for a couple of years and still by the classic DB9 for cash", says Fitzpatrick. "Of course, we still want to see the cash or make sure the check is actually good. We're not stupid, like, you know?"

Like a wise man with a bad haircut said in some movie, somewhere, "Stupid is as stupid does". NBA players, attorneys, agents and team owners who don't get the economy or their fan base, seem to be doing "stupid" pretty well.

Voicing his frustration about the whole NBA money argument, unemployed but dedicated Laker fan, Vince Klortho says, "I hear that the Canadian Curling season is about to start on ESPN 8. I'd rather watch that. Real action, sort of, but they aren't doing it just for the paycheck"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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