Written by Alvin Taveras
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Friday, 4 November 2011

image for NBA Player Loses First Month of Paycheck Moves Into Mom's House And Has To Sleep In His Childhood Bed

NEW YORK CITY - Whether it's true or not that half of the NBA players are starving, one thing's for sure, twenty-five year old New York Knick unemployed backup guard to the backup guard Andy Rautins is moving back to mom's house.

"I'm not happy having to remember that address all over again but I love the home cooked meals," said Rautins.

Rautins, a former 'hottest guy on the campus' celebrity superstar Syracuse Orangemen basketball player, is disappointed because the NBA Commissioner David Stern promised him in his ear when he was personally welcomed into the league during the NBA Draft said that my job was secure.

Thus far, the Knick player isn't paying any rent to his parents, who are working as freight train operators 80 hours a week, and not even helping to pay the phone bill, though he does supply the cereal boxes. Surely, without his parents he could not have become Twitter champion of the NBA Unemployed world.

When we asked Rautins if he hates doing his one chore of taking off his Jordan sneakers before he steps foot in the house he said, "It's a rare opportunity to spend time with family and friends. There so many positives in being unemployed. What are people at Wall Street yelling about anyway?"

The other things he adds is that he compellingly tells us that it's one thing to play for free but it's another thing to play basketball when you're broke.

"It feels like you're playing games when you know you have homework you're procrastinating," Rautins argues.

In related news, former Superstar, NBA talk-head, wanna-be politician, and Elio's Pizza eating Charles Barkley was reached for comment and he said, "If you're making more than $200,000 a year and you don't have enough money saved to endure one NBA lockout season, you're an idiot.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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