Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 2 November 2011

image for Tebow's Front Line Waits for God to Stop the Blitz

Following his October 23 win against the Dolphins and sincere thanks to his creator for helping him perform well, Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow was on his own against the Lions, getting sacked unceremoniously into the turf seven times. With chunks of salad still hanging from his face mask, no one was quite sure if Tebow was a vegetarian by choice, or not.

Several sports and news organizations picked up on Tebow's gaff following the Dolphin game and speculated as to whether or not his offensive line, for lack of better phrasing, took offense to his comments. Professional water boy and Broncos locker room regular, Willy Fillett says, "I think it's OK to be a religious kind of guy, but it ain't God taking a helmet to the chin while keeping a freight train from running over your quarterback. You gotta thank the big boys up front, ya know?"

Sunday's game against the Lions may have highlighted a little of that front line frustration, as Tebow was rushed, bumped, knocked down and driven into the grass 60 straight minutes. Defensive end Cliff Avril from the Lions, who asked not to print his quote said, "We were just stopping by to say hello. Frequently".

There's no word if the Broncos are still planning to honor Tebow's request to build a mini chapel in the locker room for prayer before the game, but offense coordinating assistant for the Broncos, Jimmy A. Faishell says, "Maybe Tim should pray for some help from his front line, after he buys them all a new Rolex that is, or of course he could just pick up some extra stock in Advil. He'll be a huge customer".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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