Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 29 October 2011

image for Van Persie Hat Trick Gives Chelsea The Blues
Porcupine Or Pubes - Who Cares?

Arsenal proved today that they aren't dead in the water after all as they emerged comfortable winners in a 5-3 triumph at Stamford Bridge, ably aided by a Robin Van Persie hat trick.

It was a pulsating encounter, which Chelski led at half time by a 2-1 margin, with goals from Lampard and Terry.

Arsenal came steaming back into it after the half time resumption with a goal from Santos, who cleverly nutmegged Petr Cech, and then Walcott gave the Gunners the lead, with a goal that should inspire youngsters everywhere.

Having been brought down, young Walcott didn't fanny about like those pesky continentals, squealing to the ref for a foul, he got straight up, retrieved the ball, beat two defenders and scored.

Chelsea's response was a cracking strike by Mata from distance, but then Van Persie struck two more goals, which led to the Chelsea Pitch Owners (CPO) attempting to have the Arsenal team evicted for trespass, but a last gasp injunction by Arsene Wenger succeeded in keeping the bailiffs at bay.

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock admitted:

"It's the first time in me life I've ever cheered for the Gooners. It's something I'll probably never do again. But seeing John Terry fall on his self righteous arse to allow Arsenal to score again was fucking priceless. Almost as good as when he fucked up that penalty in Moscow. Is it true that JT has a porcupine on his head? Or is it just the remnants of that Peroncell woman's pubes?"

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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