Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Monday, 24 October 2011

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"We're down to the kids," say Aldershot.

In a bizarre coincidence illness and injuries have stricken Manchester United's next two opponents - Aldershot and Everton.

Following their mauling by deadly rivals Manchester City at Old Trafford on Sunday, United are due to travel to Aldershot in the Carling Cup on Tuesday and Everton in the Premier League on Saturday.

Today, however, both the cup and league authorities have received applications from the Shots and the Toffees for postponements. Both clubs claim to have squads severely reduced by injury and illness.

Everton claim to have 16 first team squad members either injured or suffering from 'stomach complaints and the 'flu' while Aldershot claim their entire playing staff are either 'poorly' or 'not allowed out after 8pm by their mums.'

A United insider said: "That's crap that is. Neither of them fancies facing us after what happened on Sunday.

"Everyone knows that after we got stuffed for six by City we're going to give someone a right going over - we always do when we've had a beating. And they don't want it to be them.

"Sir Alex is fuming - I heard him on the phone to Moyesie at Everton this morning and he was calling him all sorts of things, but I couldn't make them all out because they were speaking in Scottish. I think."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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