Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 23 October 2011

image for The NFL Fines 49ers Coach Jim Harbaugh and Lions Coach Jim Schwartz Plus Requires Them To Attend Anger Management Classes
The San Francisco 49ers presented the game ball to their coach Jim Harbaugh after they saw the post-game video.

NEW YORK CITY - A spokesperson for the National Football League has stated that league officials after reviewing the post game video of the game between the San Francisco 49ers and the Detroit Lions have issued a decision on the after-the-game altercation between Coaches Jim Harbaugh of the 49ers and Jim Schwartz of the Lions.

Spokesperson Gregorio "The Coin Flip" Allapenelli stated that both "Jim's" will be fined $800,000 for their post-game fracas which was captured on live television and shown over and over and even more times than that video of Britney Spears getting out of a car with no underwear on from two years ago.

The league has duly noted that it is shocked at the total lack of professional dignity, respect, protocol, decorum, and plain common sense that both coaches exhibited.

The NFL stressed that it is one thing for fights to break out between fans, hot dog vendors, players, cheerleaders, and even team mascots, but between coaches?

Allapenelli stated that the NFL is playing hard ball (no mixed metaphor pun intended) with this incident and on top of the hefty fines, it has also issued a directive that both coaches will attend anger management classes which will be held for four hours for the next eight (8) consecutive Mondays.

He stressed that the league may decide to lower the $800,000 fine down to $700,000 once the two "Jimmy's" complete the 32-hour course.

Oglethorpe Ogletree with Sports Territory Magazine interviewed Lions Head Coach Jim Schwartz and asked him what he thought about the $800,000 fine and the 32-hour anger management classes course.

Schwartz simply shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Well, Oggie, I guess that it is what it is."

When Ogletree presented the same question to 49ers Head Coach Jim Harbaugh, he exploded and yelled out "What do I think? What do I think? Well what the friggin, frackin, flackin hell do you think I think Ogletree? I think that it is a bunch of bullshit, cowshit, and chickenshit."

Harbaugh paused before continuing, "And furthermore if they think that I am going to pay an $800,000 fine just because I shook Jimmy's had real hard, slapped him hard as hell on the back, called him a little whining titty baby, and threatened him with my Glock 9, then they are full of sperm whale shit as well."

Harbaugh took a sip of his papaya Gatorade and remarked,"And about these effen 32-hour anger management classes, hell I don't need no freaking anger management classes, I am perfectly able to control my effen anger as well as any out-of-control, quick tempered, damn son-of-a-bitch."

SIDENOTE: Oglethorpe Ogletree reports that Jim Harbaugh was to have had a birthday party for one of his daughters at a local Chuck E. Cheese, but the manager of the restaurant called him and decided that it would be in the best interest of everyone concerned to cancel the scheduled party. He did suggest a McDonald's about two blocks away.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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