Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 23 October 2011

image for Sir Alex Silent As Noisy Neighbours Subject Sorry United To A Ruthless Six-One Mauling
Six? Oh, Do Fuck Off!

Sir Alex Ferguson refused to comment today as Manchester United were ruthlessly dismantled by the noisy neighbours at Old Trafford.

After a six goal hiding, a Sky Sports assistant knocked on the United dressing room door and asked Sir Alex to come out for an interview for the Sky cameras.

"Fuck off!" a voice from behind the door replied. "I'm not coming out 'til next March!"

City absolutely outplayed, outfought, and battered the crap out of United, reaping the rewards with a brace from a rampant Mario Balotelli, a brace from Edin Dzeko, and one each from Silva and Aguero.

United's consolation came courtesy of Darren Fletcher.

The United dressing room wouldn't talk about it, the fans refused to comment as they trod forlornly up Sir Matt Busby Way, but one United fan did agree to speak. Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, brushing away a tear, gathered his thoughts, and told Skoob Sports News in a cracked voice:

"You'll have to excuse me. I'm very emotional right now."

SSN eagerly awaited the tired old lame excuses to be trotted out...

"I'm not going to offer any lame excuses," Shuttlecock surprised everybody by saying. "They came here with an attacking side, and they deserved what they got. Of course, Evans getting red-carded made it more difficult, but he was the last man and he simply had to go. They just ran riot and tore us apart. I was gutted when they got the fourth, double-gutted when they hit five, and virtually fucking suicidal by the time they hit the sixth. You could say I'm as six as a parrot. But that would just be shit."

A distraught Shuttlecock went on to say that after being shown the error of his ways in his personal life by a group of concerned citizens on another website, that he has quit drinking, stopped cross-dressing, attempted to rebuild a straight relationship with long suffering wife Anne, following a lengthy foray into gayness, and had been coping quite well (Apart from the gerbil abuse.) until the game kicked off.

"Six fucking one!" he sobbed. "Fuck it! I'm getting the dress out and calling Gay Larry for gay phone-sex. Then I'm off up the shops to buy a few gallons of Stella. Then I might make a video. Oh, and while I'm at it I'll sharpen the fucking Sabatier too! Wankers!"

There may be trouble ahead...probably not, but you can never tell...

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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