Written by Nick Hobbs
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Sunday, 23 October 2011

image for Manchester City's Kompany To Receive Award After Derby
Expect fireworks at the derby!

Vincent Kompany, captain of Manchester City, has been awarded with the official title of football's largest head, say F.A chiefs.

"We don't mean he's a boaster, or a cocky so-and-so," said Carl Bender, F.A spokesman, "we just mean he has the biggest head! I mean look at it! It's huge!"

Sky Sports have already been forced to change their aspect ratio when showing the pre-match team line up graphics, just to fit Kompany's head on screen at the same time as the rest of his team mates.

Likened to the dome on an observatory, Kompany has yet to respond to his latest accolade, but friends say he may not be too chuffed.

"He is very self conscious of his bulbous head," said a close friend, who wished to remain anonymous, "it makes him nervous at photo-calls, and he tries to stay out of trouble on the pitch as much as possible, so as to avoid unwanted TV coverage."

Kompany may however feature in some unwanted limelight this weekend, as Manchester City take on Manchester United, in the local derby. The usually viscous battle is set to escalate, as the two respective managers battle through a war of words in the press. This mutual dislike is expected to spill out on to the pitch, with Kompany's head set to feature greatly.

"Should a fight break out," said TV football pundit Bob Shakey "Kompany will no doubt use his abnormally huge cranium to smash down on the United opponents, crushing their tiny frames in to dust!"

The award ceremony is to take place after the game, with one previous winner of the trophy looking on. Wayne Rooney, said to be furious at losing out to Kompany, was a three-time past winner.

The usually fiery Rooney will no doubt bring his temper to the field and attempt to hack Kompany down, but it is a fight that some experts are relishing.

"It'll be like King Kong going up against the robot from 'The Phantom Creeps'," said Wang Dander, from betlots.web, "what a fight!"

With this in mind, today's game could be even more heated than usual.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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