Dorking pensioner, and rabid lady football fan, Eloise Bostik, 82,is so looking forward to Sunday's Manchester derby between United and City at Old Trafford, that she's cancelled Sunday dinner and ordered a bottle of sherry from Freshco's on line home delivery service, with which to toast a famous (anticipated) victory at the full time whistle.
"We'll batter the Munichs!" she announced triumphantly. "My boys'll send the buggers home with their tails between their legs! You mark my words."
When informed that Manchester United supporters take grave offence to being referred to as 'Munichs', Bostik appeared bewildered.
"But I'm a Man U fan," she explained.
At which point a doctor intervened and administered smelling salts.
At transpires that Bostik likes to keep abreast of the times, and her comments were made whilst under the influence of anti-psychotic medication, in the mistaken belief that United fans refer to City fans as 'Munichs' because it was in Munich, at the Allianz Arena, that Carlos Tevez famously refused to wear a City scarf, like Roberto Mancini, as he sat warming the bench. As it might have resulted in him looking like a 'bit of a twat.'
When informed that it is a certain element of City undesirables (Mainly hailing from Essex) who refer to United as 'Munichs' as a hurtful , vicious jibe, cheapening and mocking the loss of life of Manchester United players, officials, and also journalists in the Munich air disaster of February 6th, 1958, Bostik sighed.
"So I got it wrong. So what," she sneered. "I've been a Man U fan all me life. Well - I should say since we started winning everything. I was Liverpool before that. And Arsenal back in the thirties. Where's me handbag? Did somebody feed the cat? What time's Max Bygraves on?"
"Typical United fan," care worker Bertie Magoo sneered. "Clueless twats. Most Mancunians support Citeh you know."
More as we get it.