Written by Michael Balton
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Friday, 21 October 2011

image for New York Yankees Claim Credit For Gaddafi Hit

New York City - "We may not have won the World Series or even the pennant this year, but we sure as hell took care of that Gaddafi douche bag."

So said New York Yankees Manager Joe Girardi in describing how a man in a Yankees cap fired the fatal bullet that ended the reign of Libyan Dictator Moammar Gaddafi and eliminated him from further postseason play.

According to multiple accounts and amateur videotape footage, the Yankee's designated hitman was George Klugman, a relief pitcher for the team's single-A farm club on Staten Island.

"The fans were screaming so loud, I could hardly hear myself think," Klugman said of the fatal moment. "But I knew something high and tight would get him out, but it had to be fast. So I skipped my wind up and just pulled the trigger."

Largely on the basis of that championship performance, the Yankees are awarding Klugman a six-year, $161 million contract to play with the major-league team.

"This fits in with our new strategy of signing players who know how to come through in the clutch," Girardi said. "I'm sure George will be worth every penny, unlike some other big names who were dead on arrival in key situations this year."

The Yankees are going to need the strikeout punch Klugman has proven he can provide. Their schedule next season includes road trips to Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq.

"The home team fans in those places are really tough," Girardi said. "Everywhere you look, it's 'Yankee go home' or 'Death to the Yankee imperialists.' I get the feeling our new closer is going to be very busy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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