Written by Premier wig
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Monday, 17 October 2011

Everton midfielder Tim Cahill is stalling over a new contract after making some unusual demands from the cash strapped club. As well as asking for ten thousand pounds more a week he's also asking for kangaroo soup to be made available at the canteen where they train. Vegemite must also be available should he feel in the mood for it.

Chairman Bill Kenwright said, "Tim is a talented player and we want to keep him at the club. I'm sure we can see to his money demands but the kangaroo soup might be a problem. By that I mean I don't want to upset our vegetarians in any way,"

Former player and fellow Australian Mark Viduka also made demands while at Leeds United. Before every game the Australian national anthem had to be played as well as training not interferring with 'Neighbours'.

Ken Bates said, "When I bought the club everyone stopped at one thirty for 'Neighbours'. I soon put an end to that by selling all the televisions."

If Cahill doesn't sign there will be a host of clubs trying to sign him and if they do the price of kangaroo might just go up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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