Liverpool and Manchester United scrapped out a hard fought draw today at Anfield. Gerrard put the home team ahead with a fluffed free kick which somehow squirmed through a broken defensive wall. With ten minutes left on the clock, Javier 'Chicharito' Hernandez ghosted through the Liverpool defence to nod United level.
A scrappy and tightly contested first half was hardly memorable, in this clash of North West giants, but as the game progressed, both teams created openings. Most observers - even the most rabid fans of the two clubs - agreed that a draw was probably a fair result.
As is always the case in such fiercely contested derby games, somebody has to come out on top in some way, and the Kop lived up to its reputation for witty and cutting ripostes, leaving the travelling Manchester fans to marvel at Scouse inventiveness.
As Wayne Rooney took to the field as a substitute, the Kop started somewhat predictably with: "He's just a fat granny shagger."
It didn't look promising for the Kop at that point, but in fairness, they did redeem themselves with a rousing chorus of: "Who's the Scouser in the wig?" - a reference to Rooney's close season hair transplant exploits.
United fans response was a bit feeble - "We're Man United - We do what we want."
But United failed to score a winner, which left that little theory wallowing in the shallows.
Speaking from his seat in the Anfield Road end of the ground, United veteran Jarbo The Killer, had this to say:
"Bastards. When they started up with the fat granny shagger thing, we thought we had 'em licked, coz that's, like, really old hat. But then they came with 'Who's the Scouser in the wig?' We was devastated by that. Typical Scousers - we might be bigger and better than them in every respect, but we can't beat them for spontaneous witticisms. They're just too quick for us. Respect? Yeah, right."
A jubilant Mickey McWhack, Liverpool's number one fan, said:
"Dee do dough don't dee dough dee do. How many 'K's in Chickkkkkkken there our lar?"
"They won it five times," Jarbo responded. "There's no answer to that. Remember that record by Paul Hardcastle from 1985? Ner ner ner nineteen? Yes. NINETEEN! That's one more than EIGHTEEN. Least, it was when I went to school. Five times my arse. We beat Benfica, Bayern Munich and Chelsea. They beat Bruges and bleeding Malmo. I repeat - five times my arse!"
Some bad blood there then...
Gore as we met it.