Written by Alvin Taveras
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Monday, 10 October 2011

image for Hank Williams Jr. & Harold Camping unite to end the world together
A photo of Hank Williams Jr.

After twenty-three years of performing the first act for Americans in the National Football League's most popular game of the week, Monday Night Football, reality-famous equivalent Hank Williams Jr. has written his last country music record for ESPN, the worldwide leader in sports.

In the song, country music singer Hank Williams Jr., seeks vengeance with ESPN, Fox and Friends, Obama, Netanyahu, Hitler, and Lay's potato chips. In one verse he calls Fox and Friends, 'Sheep and enemies,' and compares America to a soft drink.

The song is scheduled to be released later today or tomorrow or whenever his new garage-band decides to play their notes the right way.

We reached ESPN for comment and their intern spokesperson said, "Because beard-man is no longer sports related, ESPN declined to follow any singer's song especially a wannabe rock star. We'd rather play golf with Obama and Netanyahu."

In an unexpected turn of events, Harold Camping reached out to Hank Williams and expressed his condolences, but not without reassuring him that it was perfect timing. "The end of the world is near, Hankie. There are greener pastures that await us that won't include Obama, Netanyahu, or Lay's potato chips." We're assuming he heard the song but both denied categorically they ever knew each other before Hank's dismissal.

Due to his newly found friendship with Hank Williams, Harold Camping now believes that the geographical location of 'heaven' will be on-line. Hank Williams Jr. seems to be high-spirited. His last comment to us was sung in a cappella, "I'll be Instant Messaging you or I won't, bit*#*'s."

In other related news, NFL players have conclusively agreed to wear pink paraphernalia in order to raise 'breast awareness.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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