England's rugby stars today flew home from their disastrous World Cup tour in New Zealand.
The tour was marked by below average performances on the pitch and by drunken nights that became headline news in newspapers both in Britain and in New Zealand. There were also and rumours of drug abuse that the team have all been quick to deny.
"It's utterly ludicrous to assume that of us. We are all professional players and know what is expected of us and I don't know where all of these stories are coming from," said the team coach Martin Johnson at a press conference.
Suspicions of substance abuse first arose when two thirds of the team flew back into Heathrow, landing an hour before the rest of the team who arrived on a plane. Suspicions also arose after some players were seen trying to wrestle a spider plant to the ground, claiming it to be an "octopoid from the planet Grimilcron who had come to perform indecent acts on jelly babies and to become the new vice chairman of British Telecom."
The spider plant was said to be deeply upset by the incident and is now considering legal action.