Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Saturday, 8 October 2011

image for England Qualify For Euro 2012... Not Again, Says Long-Suffering Wife
Health threat?

England, under Fabio Capello, qualified for the finals of Euro 2012 in Montenegro last night, despite 'talismanic' strike Wayne Rooney's dismissal after 73 minutes.

The Manchester Utd Scouse hair transplant victim was sent off for kicking Dzudovic. England were 2-1 up at the time having led 2-0 until shortly before half time.

However, while Montenegro managed to secure second place in the group and a place in the play-offs with a late equaliser, England proceeded, unbeaten, into the finals.

Much to the consternation of Mrs Laetitia Adidas, wife of EIF News & Features sports editor, Thelonious.

"Oh for heaven's sake! Not another one!" She cried. "Can you promise me England will turn up and play? Please?

"Look, every two years or so they go off to compete in some tournament or other and my Thelonious has to watch. He inevitably ends up in hospital, either helpless with laughter or in an apoplectic fit.

"I'm not sure his constitution can survive another England appearance in a tournament. Is that fair?"

A spokesman for EIF News & Features said last night: "Mr Adidas is a highly respected member of the sports reporting profession and he understood the pressures of covering England for a major news agency when he accepted his current post.

"EIF News & Features offers a very attractive and competitive remuneration and insurance package for the widows of its sports staff detailed to cover the England football team."

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