Adel Taarabt has revealed exactly what happened to him when substituted at half time in QPR's 6-0 trouncing at Fulham.
"I said to the gaffer at half-time the system wasn't working. Let's go 4-4-2 - I said I'd gladly make way for Tommy Smith. So he substituted me and I had no complaints, it was best for the team as 4-5-1 was pissing shit.
"Then I realised I'd forgotten to set my VCR for Songs Of Praise. It was a special edition celebrating 50 years of the programme and I didn't want to miss it. I take my religion very seriously. So I asked if I could leave early, and Neil said that wasn't a problem. I couldn't hang around after the game like I usually do anyway for autographs, pictures etc, as I had tickets to see Storm Lee in concert at the O2.
"So, I summoned my pilot to pick me up early in my private jet, but I was told some prick had nicked it and flown it into a ferris wheel in south Wales.
"I couldn't get a taxi so I made my way to the nearest bus stop - I hadn't been on a bus since I was 13, when me and some mates used to go on Red Bus Rovers.
"When I reached the bus stop, I couldn't believe what I saw. There were some QPR fans there and I asked them why they weren't at the game. They said they left when it was 4-0 and I went into one. What price loyalty? I said I've never given less than 75% for QPR - the fans should do the same, support the club for 90 minutes.
"It all got a bit heated. Then one of the fans pulled down my shorts and took a picture of my arse. I see it's now on the internet, bastards.
"All I want to do is be a QPR legend, like Stan Bowles. I've met him a few times and he's given me some very good advice."