QPR's Shaun Derry has revealed he was subjected to verbal abuse over his sexuality whilst out shopping last week.
The midfielder was purchasing some Yakult probiotic bifidobacterium yoghurt drinks in his local Budgens, when he was approached by a couple of 'chavs' in Chelsea tops. "They recognised who I was and starting getting lippy," said Shaun. "The usual stuff came out, 'old man', 'Leeds scum' etc, then one of them called me 'gay boy' - I was most offended, but I've handled bigger cocks than them.
"Just because I'm a fan of the Pet Shop Boys, collect Betty Boop memorabilia and sound like Duncan Norvelle, it doesn't mean I play hide the sausage with anyone. I'm happily married - if there's grass on the pitch, 'let's play'. It's always been the tunnel, not for the funnel, for me.
"I had similar flak a couple of years ago when at Crystal Palace. I was out with my good friend, Gok Wan, when we passed Gregs. He said, 'Fancy a bun', and I said 'yes'. Someone must have heard this conversation, and thought I was asked if I fancied a 'bum' - it was all over the internet within hours."
Derry, who is enjoying his time in the Premier League with QPR, dismissed this latest episode as 'nothing more than a yoghurt isle fracas' - "I'm used to taking flak, when I had my mullet people said I lived in a caravan - actually, I did. When I moved south from Leeds, I had to live in one as they cost the same in Brighton as a three-bed semi in Leeds - it's all I could afford. I was neighbours with Steve Claridge."
When asked if he's ever come across any homosexuality within football, Derry was quick to rebuff the notion. "No room for bummers in this game. The only knob on show at QPR is Rowan Vine."
QPR manager Neil Warnock was sorry to hear about Derry's recent spat; "Our Shaun, a poofter? You must be joking. He's a man's man, eats white bread and everything. I had to pull him off at half-time yesterday (v Fulham) - he was willing take one for the team, and he didn't complain. I told him just to enjoy it"
"I'll always do whatever Neil thinks best," said Shaun. "Everyone knows I'd take a bullet for him, but not in the head - otherwise I'd have to get my helmet out.
"After he yanked me off at half-time against Fulham, I asked the lads to show me some bollocks in the second half. Sadly, no one did. It's been a long time since I spent a sweaty Sunday afternoon down the Cottage with 11 pansies.
"The QPR fans were great though, supported us right through to the end. When they sung 'Up The Rs', I felt a tingle go through my whole body."
There were rumours during the summer that Derry would be on his way out of QPR, with Swiss side Berner Sport Club Young Boys showing an interest. "I heard the rumours, but I wanted to stay with QPR. Maybe when my contract finishes, I can explore what the continent has to offer. Young Boys certainly appeal to me.
"In the meantime, I love it at QPR. Since Joey Barton arrived, I'm playing with a man either side of me, which I enjoy. I have more freedom to express myself, and hopefully I'll get my first QPR goal soon. I like coming from deep positions and throwing myself at Shaun-Wright Phillips's balls. He's only a little fella, but knows how to deliver - I've let him know what I want from him, and more."