Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 25 September 2011

image for The NFL Owners Demand That Football Commissioner Roger Goodell Start Protecting The Quarterbacks Immediately!
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell says he will be implementing the new "Pink Quarterback Rule" very soon.

NEW YORK CITY - The National Football League is getting extreme pressure from team owners, fans, and families of quarterbacks to do something to prevent the rash of quarterback injuries that have plagued the sport this year and in years past.

Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay wrote NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and told him that he suggests that he implement a type of save our quarterback rule to be placed into effect as soon as possible.

Irsay stated that his star quarterback Peyton Manning will probably be lost for the entire season due to having had three neck surgeries.

The Colts owner pointed out that Manning did not receive the injuries while moving his lawn, or by jumping out of a tree house, or even from a roughhouse game of brotherly horse play with his brother fellow NFL quarterback Eli Manning.

Irsay stated that the majority of the fans come out to the stadiums to watch super stars, namely the quarterbacks and not defensive mountains, and if teams keep on losing their money players then the fans will end up staying home.

Another NFL owner Philadelphia Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie backed up Irsay's comment and added that no one can tell you who the defensive lineman that hit Peyton Manning originally causing the injury was.

Lurie is very upset because his own quarterback Michael Vick is still recovering from emotional trauma and a concussion as is San Francisco 49ers quarterback Alex Smith who was hit so hard, he actually had his left tonsil pop right out of his mouth and onto the playing field.

Luckily for Smith, the team doctor was able to quickly perform a reverse tonsillectomy and he managed to reattach the left tonsil back in its proper place.

Jed York, who owns the 49ers, told the commissioner that he needs to start doing something to protect the owners investments before they start selling the teams to Pakistani investment firms.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is especially upset since his star signal caller Tony Romo was knocked out twice in one game. He said that if this problem is not fixed pretty soon fans will soon start seeing starting quarterbacks with names like Ahab Zannihiggins, Montello Appletucker III, and LaVondell Waddywiggy.

Goodell informed the four owners that he has already sat down with an NFL Select Committee and they have draw out a preliminary plan that will address the quarterback injury issue.

He said that the new rule called The Pink Quarterback Rule is designed to prevent any more quarterback injuries from ever occurring.

Goodell explained that each NFL quarterback will be dressed completely in pink from his football helmet to his football shoes and even his athletic cup. This way every player on the field will be able to know exactly where the quarterback is at all times.

When the center snaps the ball to the quarterback, play will continue as usual, but now as soon as a member of the opposing team touches the quarterback the referee will blow the whistle and the play ends right there.

Goodell pointed out that the defensive player will not be allowed to hit the quarterback and if he should make contact with the quarterback with any part of his body other than his hands he will be ejected from the game on the spot and fined up to $300,000, with a possible suspension of anywhere from three to ten games.

Goodell stressed the fact that some defensive players have hands that look like catcher's mitts and he pointed out that when the defensive player touches the quarterback it had better be just as if the defensive player was touching his own newborn baby.

The commissioner did stress that by the same token any quarterback doing a flop or pretending that he was hit will be given a $200 fine and warned that any more flops during the game will result in the player being fined an extra $15 for each subsequent flop.

Goodell noted that there are many fans who will no doubt not like this new rule and who will say that they are treating the quarterbacks as if they were Radio City Music Hall ballerinas.

To those people Commissioner Roger Goodell says "Tough titty said the kitty."

Sports Territory Magazine is reporting that there is a very strong possibility that once retired quarterback Brett Favre finds out about this new "Pink Quarterback Rule" he will be chomping at the bit to unretire and get back into the game.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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