Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger is planning to beef up his lightweight squad by signing German International Sven Bender.
The hard tackling Borussia Dortmund midfielder caught Wenger's eye in the recent Champion's League match:
"Bender would stiffen up our spine" claimed the frustrated Frenchman.
Wenger is also interested in Sven Bender's twin brother Lars Bender, who plays for Bayern Leverkusen:
"I like the look of both the Benders and am a bit short of that type of player after selling Nicholas Bendtner" said Wenger.
But Bendtner was not popular with Arsenal fans and was criticised for being one of Arsene's biggest flops:
"The blonde Dane was more interested in modelling his pink boots than getting stuck in" said Arsenal diehard Len Buttock from Crouch End.
If the German Benders do join Arsenal they will play alongside diminutive striker Andrei Arshavin.
The Russian, who signed for Arsenal after being persistently pursued by Arsene Wenger, has not scored for months:
"Arshavin is another dodgy foreigner who couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo" complained lifelong Gunner Arthur Cock.
Now Arsenal fans are becoming worried that their manager is losing control and buying bums rather than top players:
"The bottom line is that Arsene Wenger is anal and is making rash decisions" claimed an angry Len Buttock.