Spoof news snippets from September 2017
There were 22 spoof news snippets published in September 2017. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
47 years ago, at 7:45 a.m., Ed Terwilliger stopped on his way to his car, thinking he'd forgotten his keys. He felt his front pocket--reassured he had them--and left for work in his neighbor's car.
Man Apologizes while Running Marathon
Runner Bart Snard apologized to other runners, who collapsed on the track. "I ate Beef-a-Reeno; it fermented or something." Said one runner: "I'm never running again. I think I have lung damage."
New Yorker Mag Sinks to Lowest Depth Yet
New Yorker advocates treason by headlining traitorous trannie Chelsea Manning in their forthcoming annual radical chic group grope. Surely Pardoned in Chief Obama will be there as Chelsea's date.
Elton John Demands Royalty from Trump Over Using the Term Rocket Man
Kim Jong Un said he would rather be Capt. Fantastic, Levon, or even Honky Cat more than Rocket Man.
Trump Blames Obama For Any and All Mistakes He Might Make
"Obama should have ordered a psychiatric profile on me when he had the chance!" said Trump.
Trump suffers brain damage.
US president Donald Trump has been confirmed as suffering serious brain damage after being shot in the genitals by a feminist extremist. More as we get it...
Woman Eats Food Past its Due Date and Expires
A Westinghouse refrigerator was taken into custody.
Tom Cruise to Progress to New Upper Level as He Audits His Body Thetan's Body Thetans
He has to put the BT's BTs through drug rehab, get them all GEDs, & audit THEIR Body Thetans.
Trump Pardons Hitler
"He was just a misunderstood guy trying to help his country! I know how that goes" said Trump.
Trump Fires Secret Servicemen for Not Protecting Him from Press
"I have been ambushed by the press for the last time! I need some real protection!" tweeted Trump.
Trump Says He Has Evidence Obama Caused Hurricane Harvey
And he's pretty sure that the Congressmen who didn't vote for his health care bill caused Irma.
White House Declares War on ESPN
Rumors are rife that Trump is planning a drone attack on ESPN headquarters due to anti-Trump tweets.
Boris Johnson Denies Misusing Official Statistics
'We will recover £350 million per week by leaving the EU,' he reassured reporters, 'and 110 per cent of that will be directed to the NHS.'
When is a US toy not a Chinese sex toy?
Chinese sex toy producers saves US giant toy retailer's neck by flogging its whole stock to them! US kids aint happy, but their dads certainly R, us too!
Trump Will Reply to Kim Jong Un As Soon As He Looks Up All the Words
NBC Offers to Renew 'The Apprentice' If Trump Will Resign As President
This was in response to a petition signed by practically everybody in the U.S. and most of Canada.
Trump Defects to Russia
Putin has him immediately thrown into the gulag.
Instead of Kneeling to Protest Racism, Sport Figures Will Now Protest Trump Instead
They will do so by pulling things out of their asses during the National Anthem.
Nostalgia is not what it used to be, as sales of rose tinted spectacles have fallen for the first time in years.
The Lib Dem party conference is going on at the moment. If anyone's looking for a party that has less impact in the House of Commons than a lingering fart
Trump Threatens to "Totally Destroy" Republican Party
President Donald Trump today expressed his disgust with the Republicans failure to pass any significant legislation. "I will totally destroy the Republican party if this continues."
Al Gore warns of a pending eclipse of the Sun by the Eatth