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Boise, Idaho Ice Cream Man Eats Wife

"My favourite bible is The King James Bible", claims Dorking wife-beater Kevin Twatte. "It's usually heavy and solid. You can't do much damage with these poncey Books of Mormon or Jerusalem Bibles."

written by Erskin Quint, 02 March 2017
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Bishop Removed From Mandrill

Highlights From The Cretin Channel

19:00 The Infinity Show - Professor Brian Cox tries to measure Heston Blumenthal's ego
21:00 Dickathon - James Corden talks to James Corden about James Corden

written by Erskin Quint, 02 March 2017
Rating:

Canvey Island Magistrate Stuck In Rent Boy

Dorking bachelor Dick Palmer has joined a dating agency. "My first date was a disaster", he said. "When I suggested we could save money and time if she masturbated me in my car, she ran away."

written by Erskin Quint, 02 March 2017
Rating:

Frank Bough Painted My Blind Uncle in the Nude

while Piscean lion tamers can expect a visit from a trans-sexual window cleaner. Meanwhile, Sagittarians will live up to their sign by wearing a loincloth to church.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 March 2017
Rating:

"Strangle a Cat Today" Initiative Launched in Halifax

Former Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson is to concentrate on being a loud gobshite who makes a fortune from talking shite to an audience of morons.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 March 2017
Rating:

Bishop Discovered in Tin of Mock Duck

Tim Burton's latest movie stars Johnny Depp as Helena Bonham Carter as Johnny Depp as Johnny Depp as Johnny Depp.

written by Erskin Quint, 02 March 2017
Rating:

Japan's latest taste treats

Japan, which gave the world both gokkun and bukkake, now offers "animal cafes," where the eateries' mascots, dogs, cats, and even owls, can be slaughtered, butchered, and cooked on demand.

written by Gee Pee, 02 March 2017
Rating:

Cemex wants Trump to build wall

Mexican cement company Cemex offered the U. S. "cut-rate prices" for its product, which executives hope will be used to build a wall to keep illegal immigrants at home, where cheap labor is needed.

written by Gee Pee, 02 March 2017
Rating:

Rachel Dolezal changes name

Although Rachel Dolezal, a white woman pretending she's black, says she can't afford to pay her bills, she was able to pay for a legal name change and is now known as Out of Africa.

written by Gee Pee, 02 March 2017
Rating:

Jeff Sessions rescues himself from Russian investigations

Previously, Attorney General Sessions said he's had no communications with Russia. Now, pleading the 5th Amendment, he will have no communications with the Justice Department.

written by Gee Pee, 02 March 2017
Rating:

Big Ben's Bong is UK Eurovision entry 2017!

UK government have allowed the Big Ben Bong to be UK's 2017 entry for Eurovision! Theresa May is confident the Bong will win and show Europeans that British is best. The bell was Made in Germany BTW!

written by Jaggedone, 02 March 2017
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