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I Had Tantric with Aled Jones, Claims Huddersfield Lorry Driver

"Prince Philip is a member of the House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Gl├╝cksburg", says Buckingham Palace flunkey Raymond Parasite, "but that doesn't stop him blocking all the Palace toilets."

written by Erskin Quint, 27 February 2017
Rating:

Jimmy Savile Milked My Secretary

Buckingham Palace flunkey Raymond Parasite says "Prince Philip ain't so bad, though he brings dead mice in, and he pisses into the coal scuttle."

written by Erskin Quint, 27 February 2017
Rating:

Bristol Undertaker in Corpse Substitution Horror

"I love watching A League of Their Own", says Prince Ferdinand Georg August of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha. "I died in 1851, but it's more fun than my stupid Hungarian wife."

written by Erskin Quint, 27 February 2017
Rating:

Hot Water Bottle Shortage Threatens Jutland

"I reckon that James Corden is a mint bloke", says Prince Ferdinand Georg August of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha. "I died in 1851, but I still think him and Jamie Redknapp are the best thing on TV."

written by Erskin Quint, 27 February 2017
Rating:

Cliff Richard Wedged Behind Tallboy

"Having a starved Grizzly Bear in my garden keeps them Jehova's Witnesses out", claims Wolverhampton housewife Viola Squon, "but the bloody vicar always fights his way through."

written by Erskin Quint, 27 February 2017
Rating:

I Sleep With Jimmy Saville's Mummified Penis, Claims Bradford Cretin

Canterford-with-Lully's Chief Executive Loxley Waterbrass came out in defence of beleaguered Mayor Abelard Siskin this morning. It was raining, so he went back in again.

written by Erskin Quint, 27 February 2017
Rating:

Defrocked Bishop Living in Upturned Wheelbarrow

"I'd like to get hold of that Donald Trump", said Billericay eel-strangler Gladys Stencil yesterday. "I'd cut his throat, gut him and hang his pelt out to dry like any old eel."

written by Erskin Quint, 27 February 2017
Rating:

Cats Are The New Pneumonia

Billericay eel-strangler Gladys Stencil was not always fond of eels. "I used to keep a guinea hen", she told Human Furniture Monthly, "until I got my hands on a bucket of writhing eels."

written by Erskin Quint, 27 February 2017
Rating:

Man has day he forgot Trump is president

"Who knew food tasted so good!"

He also enjoyed neighbors, wife, kids, dog, wine, and wind on his face.

written by pinkwalrus, 27 February 2017
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