Order by:
Rating:

Taliban leader asks Afghans for favor

Mullah Haibatullah Akhundzada asked Afghans to plant trees. "We need more places from which to ambush American dogs," he said.

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Randy Quaid's act unconvincing

Has-been actor Randy Quaid was arrested at the border when, according to Mounties, he tried to impersonate a Canuck in order to illegally enter Canada. (The U. S. doesn't want him, either.)

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
Rating:

You Can Tel It's Mattel: They Swell!

To keep up with the times, Mattel has introduced Transgender Ken. When his left arm is twisted, he grows boobs. "He can get as big as a 36C." Barbie says. "I'm jealous, because I'm on a 32B."

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Boobs or Butts? Porn researchers know your preferred fetish

According to researchers, Internet users in the East prefer boobs, while Western Webheads would rather ogle butts. Penile preferences were not included in the study, as they're regarded as "too gay."

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Scaffolding Delay Threatens Rod Stewart

"Of course Erskine exists. To suggest that we made him up to raise money for the Erskine Memorial Gardens development is ridiculous, said Abelard Siskin, Mayor of Canterford-with-Lully, yesterday."

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Discovery explains a lot

According to scientists, Neanderthal genes still influence our genes, especially those of Hillary Clinton.

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Ollie returns to safety of zoo

After carousing the streets of the nation's capital, Ollie the bobcat, deciding he preferred the zoo, returned to his cage.

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Facebook Killed My Wildebeest

In & Around Towcester

Visit Sponne School for the display of Roman Leather buckets. The Milking Stool exhibition at Towcester Museum is a rainy day must-see.

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

James Corden Is The New Barbarism

Cretin Channel Highlights:
19:30 Culture Hour: Melvyn Bragg discusses surrealist Max Ernst and Joey Essex talks shite.
22:30 Acid Heads: a profile of cult 60s band General Fruitbomb & The Hessian Cummerbund Sideshow.

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Calm Your Karma With A Roadkill Diet

"I've always had a thing for eels", says Billericay eel-strangler Gladys Stencil, "ever since my Uncle Rodger used to put them up my nightie when I was at Primary School."

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Brian Jones Is Alive And Running A B&B In Hemel Hempstead

More From The Cretin Channel:

20:00 Celebrity Jerk-Off
Can James Corden and Joey Essex out spunk veterans Lionel Blair and Dale Winton?
21:00 Arse Disaster 2017: A Llandudno postman shits himself in his van.

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Taylor Swift Is The New Spinning Jenny

"If I had to choose between a Fiesta ST and a Suzuki Swift Sport, I'd go for the Suzie every time", says Prince Ferdinand Georg August of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha. "I died in 1851, but I'm still tempted to buy one."

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

AMD FX Series "a backward step" Claims Cork Gnome-Maker

Devon farmer John Barleycorne, the first man to have two wooden knees fitted, is a big admirer of The Leg of Lamb: Its Life and Works by surrealist writer Benjamin Peret.

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Ted Heath Drank Milk From My Breasts

19th century Belgian Balloonist Jacques Dubious was famously modest, and keen to avoid an over-inflated reputation.

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Heston Blumenthal Cooks His Own Head

The Bhongi Bhongi pygmies of Southern Ngongoland have worshipped the Meat & Potato Pie ever since it was introduced to them by Corsican explorer Tesco Van Morrison in 1856.

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Elton John Wears a Nappy, Claims Ethiopian Boatswain

If you are a Sagittarian Oboe-maker, then you should beware of human furniture. Leos living in converted oast-houses can expect a traumatic Michaelmas. The spectre of Duck's Disease looms over Piscean masochists.

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

"Dale Winton Lived In My Airing Cupboard"

Home & Hearth
with Aunty Jean

Dear Elsie, I cured my over-affectionate husband by rubbing anti-Macassar oil into his privates.

Dear Violet, I always favour Nubian slaves. They're strong, handsome, and clean. Steer clear of those smelly Gauls, and Moors will rifle your drawers soon as your back is turned.

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Clive of India "Invented Mashed Potato", Claims Grimsby Wife-Beater

Eric Pickles is enjoying his new job as a World War II Barrage Balloon. "I soon got the hang of it, and it's such a high!" he trilled, yesterday.

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

"Waiter, There's Soup In My Flies!"

Eric Pickles is managing nicely since being kicked out of the government. These days he is working part-time as a World War II Barrage Balloon at the disused Brunton Airfield in Northumberland

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

Do Androids Dream of Electric David Bellamys?

Billericay eel-strangler Gladys Stencil is looking for love. "I want a man who can handle eels", she said, yesterday. "Failing that, I'll stick to eels."

written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2017
Rating:

White House Leak "Came from the Top".

The latest in a series of damaging leaks from the White House has been traced to the top of Donald Trumps head. Orange liquid is believed to have been seeping for several months.

written by Thevoiceofreason, 26 February 2017
« Jan 2017 February 2017 Mar 2017 »
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
 
1st
3
2nd
3
3rd
2
4th
3
5th
3
6th
3
7th
1
8th
2
9th
2
10th
2
11th
2
12th
3
13th
0
14th
1
15th
1
16th
2
17th
0
18th
2
19th
2
20th
1
21st
9
22nd
1
23rd
5
24th
2
25th
3
26th
21
27th
9
28th
2
 

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 1?

9 20 21 5


58 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more