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"Flayed Cats Ruined My Childhood", Claims Archbishop of Canterbury

Thursday Night Highlights from the Cretin Channel:

21:00 Celebrity Wank-Off - Can the Hairy Bikers out-jism Noel Gallagher?
22:30 Astronomy Today looks forward to this summer's Total Eclipse of the Sun by Simon Cowell's Ego

written by Erskin Quint, 23 February 2017
Rating:

Talent Shortage Threatens James Corden

Devon watering-can repairer Adelbert Lossiemouth claims he came up with the idea for 60s TV show Pinky and Perky. "I thought of that when I was castrating 2 dwarf-children", he said yesterday.

written by Erskin Quint, 23 February 2017
Rating:

Anal Fissures Are The New Jedward

Among the latest offerings of Dorking inventor Gideon Bable are a wooden tea towel, a set of reversible egg-cosies, and a bowler hat for performing lions.

written by Erskin Quint, 23 February 2017
Rating:

"James Corden Used To Borrow My Suppositories", Claims Lunt Paedophile

More Highlights From The Cretin Channel

20:00 Hilda Goes In - Hilda the Undercover Hippo probes the link between Labi Siffre, Eric Pickles and Sinitta.

written by Erskin Quint, 23 February 2017
Rating:

James Corden is a Vacuous Gobshite

Trulle is back with a vengeance, especially when woven into a gossamer mouffe. Gerhard Muffdiver wowed the catwalks of Mitteleuropa with his faux Etruscan buskins

written by Erskin Quint, 23 February 2017
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