Spoof news snippets from December 2017
There were 24 spoof news snippets published in December 2017. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Dead Man Walking
A woman greeted a neighbor, covered in dirt. "You must be working hard in your garden," she said. She later read his obituary. He'd been dead for 5 days. She wondered if she could still buy flowers.
Trump is Trying to Bring Osama Bin Laden Back to Life
He has vowed to undo EVERYTHING Obama ever did.
Trump Insults Morning Joe, Shames Matt Lauer, and Makes Fun of Asian Leaders All in One Hour
A President's work is never done.
He-Man Woman Haters Club Inducts New Members Matt Lauer and Kevin Spacey
The club also started a rural division, which Garrison Keillor will be in charge of.
Matt Lauer Wins Yet Another Award
Fired NBC anchor Lauer has been recognized by the Natl Press Predators' Alliance as the 2017's Most Egregious Sexual Scumbag Hypocrite. Surprisingly. Charlie Rose was second-ran in the voting.
Revealed: The Occupation That Loves Trump the Most
A recent poll showed that comedians and comedy writers love Trump because, "He makes our jobs easy!"
Colin Kaepernick Time's Man Of The Year
Bravo Time magazine for making Colin Kaepernick Man Of The Year. Almost. While Trump has reduced the U.S. to tatters, Kaepernick exemplifies and remains a beacon of hope for the United States.
Senator Al Franken Claims Special Privilege for Abusing Women
Outed serial abuser Al "Raging Tongue" Franken states it was his right and special privilege to attack women due to his status as a former lame-ass, humor-challenged, narcissistic comedian.
Congressman Conyers Names Son to Succeed Him in U.S. House and Confers New Title
Retiring Mich. Rep Conyers proclaims his son as rightful inheritor of his Detroit fiefdom. Jealous of his seniority in the House as King o'Droopy Underpants, he quickly dubs Junior as Knave of Boxers.
After Changing Israel Capital to Jerusalem, Trump Changes North Korea's Capital to Seoul
He is also moving the US Embassy for France to London, England, since "it's right next door almost."
After Slashing Size of Utah Monuments,Trump Will Next Sub-Divide the Grand Canyon
The portion of the Grand Canyon freed from historical status will be filled in and a casino built.
Republicans Decide Al Franken Must Be Executed to Set an Example
Trump tweets his support and reminds voters that Roy Moore never admitted HE did anything wrong.
Moore Wins Alabama Senate Seat; 30,000 Jones votes Invalidated
Tuscaloosa. The Alabama Republican Sec. of State today ruled 30,000 votes for Doug Jones in Montgomery and Birminghan were cast fraudulently by Russian hackers and therefore invalid.
FBI Agent Taken off Trump Probe Due to "Extreme Bias"
The agent had the nerve to say he thought Eric Trump looked a little "funny."
One of Hitler's Parade Limos Becomes Available--Trump Jumps On It
"Oh, no reason" Trump replied when asked why he purchased the infamous 1939 Mercedes.
Eric and Donnie Trump, Jr. Caught in Plot to Kidnap Santa Claus and Corner the Market on Toys
They both claim a Russian guy said it would be good for the country and planned the whole thing out.
Rioters still defacing monuments
Rioters are demanding that all offensive monuments be removed in DC. They're calling Lady Liberty a green supremacist symbol, and calling the Washington Monument a white supremacist phallic symbol.
Activist's hair sets off geiger counter
After random citizens reported feeling sickened around a social justice warrior of unknown gender, health authorities decided to scan the activist. They found high radiation levels in zer green hair.
Alabama's New State Motto
After Tuesday Alabama's state motto, Audemus jura nostra defendere ("We dare defend our rights"), will most likely be changed to Audemus pedophilium nostra defendere ("We dare defend our pedophiles").
"Pedophilia now, pedophilia tomorrow, pedophilia forever!"
Oh, if only Alabamians could reanimate ol' George Wallace to campaign for Judge Roy Moore.
I can hear him now, roaring to the crowds, "Pedophilia now, pedophilia tomorrow, pedophilia forever!"
President Trump Found Dead In Apparent Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation!
Visitors to the Oval Office were stunned today to stumble upon the corpse of #45 lying face down on his desk with the plastic bag from Wonder Bread over his head,and child porn on his laptop.
Study Finds Eggs are Good For You Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
Putting the debate to rest once and for all, researchers concluded that eggs are good for you Mondays,Wednesdays,and Fridays,and bad for you Tuesdays, Thursday,and alternate Saturdays.
The NBA's Decision to Allow Space Aliens to Play Met with Opposition
An anonymous basketball player who refuses to speak on camera is allegedly saying, "I don't see why these slimy, 2-headed creatures are allowed to play. It's a wonder they let us black athletes play."
Social justice warrior can't change her hair color
Ever since Mandy Hater became a social justice warrior, her hair color has naturally become green, and hair dye no longer works. She'd pull it out in frustration, but it will only grow into a mohawk.