Spoof news snippets from Wednesday 12 April 2017
United Airlines CEO supports employees
After his employees demanded officials drag a customer from a plane so an employee could take his seat, the airline's CEO praised them. "They followed our standard operating procedure."
Walmart fires thousands
Walmart laid off 307,000 associates but promises to relocate them. The company has hired United Airlines to re-accommodate them.
Effects of infection seen in San Francisco couple
A just-married couple honeymooning in Hawaii were infected by a brain parasite, but still consider their experience "two weeks in paradise."