Spoof news snippets from November 2016
There were 72 spoof news snippets published in November 2016. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Stephen Hawking: Even I Can't Make Sense Of Brangelexit
At one point the famous couple contemplated adopting Hawking.
Shoppers Complain About Shortages Of Christmas Stock
'Don't forget that it's November,' said a retail spokesman. 'Christmas stock is giving way to our product ranges for Easter.'
Nostradamus Prediction About Trump Unclear
Interpreters can't tell if he was saying Trump will destroy the desert or ruin the dessert or both.
Trump Will Close Down the Internet When President Because of Hillary's E-Mails
"This Internet thing is getting out of hand. Porn, Hillary's E-mails, it all has to go!" Trump said.
Trump Claims He Was Leonardo Da Vinci in Former Life: Retracts Statement When He is Informed Leonardo Was Gay
"What I meant was, I was Michaelangelo. He wasn't homosexual, was he?" asked Trump. (BTW-he was.)
FIFA Rejects Request From England And Scotland For Players To Wear Poppy Armbands On Armistice Day
'We made them a very good offer,' said a FIFA spokesman. 'We only asked for 40% of the poppy appeal profits in return - plus, of course, the usual back-handers.'
Royal Air Force Consults Cyclists On Design Of New Stealth Fighters
'British cyclist in twilight and at night achieve levels of invisibility of which we can only dream,' said an RAF spokesman. 'We want to learn how it's done for design of our new stealth fighters.'
US Elections - British Public Lose Will To Live
'We don't care who wins anymore,' said a typical Brit. 'We just want to open a newspaper without seeing the words: "Clinton" or "Trump".'
To male or not to mail! That is not the question!
It seems being a dodgy female US presidential candidate one has problems deleting males because only dodgy male candidates can delete their males, say the FBI, and Hoover knew all about that one!
FBI Announces it Has Proof that Hillary Was a Nazi in a Former Life
They also claim she was Genghis Khan in another life.
Stalin Had a Withered Hand---Trump Has Tiny Hands. Coincidence?
Hitler had only one testicle and a tiny penis---Just saying...
Hillary Indicates That She Would Change the Red Hotline Phone to Pink
Also, in the interest of history, she will hang clothes in the White House Red Room a la Abby Adams.
What the hell have wigs to do with Brexit?
Judgement day on Brexit is not quite arrived because "Big Wigs" wearing "Wigs" have "wigged" Farage & Co! Thanks Prince John, a mega-wigger!
Disneyland in election fever!
Who is the greatest of them all? Donald Duck or Minnie Mouse! Find out here on the Spoof where both candidates will fight to the bitter end quacking! Now where's Tom when you need him?
Polling Organisations Predict Huge Upsurge In Unemployed Pollsters
'I guess they could finally be right about that one,' agreed a number of Brexit and Trump supporters.
New Word 'Trexit' Enters The English Language
'The word Trexit,' explained an Oxford English Dictionary spokesman, 'allows half the British population to whinge about Brexit and Trump simultaneously and hence bore everyone else half as much.'
Hurricane destroys US!
Hurricane Donald would have been too obvious! So let's call it Hillary instead and keep to tradition! Women destroy everything!
11/9 Is The New 9/11
Everyone will one day talk about remembering just where they were when they heard about 11/9.
Trump Claims the Election is Rigged and Then Is Informed He Won
"Never mind" said Trump.
Trump Claims He Made the Market Go Down to Punish Hillary Supporters
Trump knows his followers think the market is where you buy groceries and beer.
Trump Announces He Will Have White House Painted Red
"Just like that beautiful Red map you saw when I won!" trumpeted Trump.
Trump Still Can't Get Gates and Buffet to Talk To Him
Trump was once again was not allowed to attend the meeting of the Billionaire's Club.
Grunting, sniffing Sharapova becomes UN ambassador!
Banned ex-tennis star is the new UN ambassador for global drug-runners! Maria will assist runners to get faster and fitter and her experience as a major grunting sniffer will be invaluable!
Trump Campaign Crew Revealed to Be Behind Killer Klown Konspiracy
"We knew we had to get America scared enough before they would ever vote for Trump!"
Taylor Swift, Mad That Her Candidate Lost and Writing A Song About How She Will Never, Ever Vote Again
She will further consider voting a reason for breaking up with someone (and writing a song).
Trump vows to build a wall around Mississippi, Alabama and Oklahoma...
"....the keep the poor white trash that voted for him from stopping by the White House."
Trump has choice words after meeting with Hillary Clinton...
"....That bitch just groped me!"
Trump Will Not Deport All Aliens-Some He Will Just Build A Wall Around
...And make them pay for it!
Donald Trump, Jr., Admits His Dad Did It All to Impress Billy Bush
Hopefully, Billy isn't impressed by nuclear explosions.
Trump Will Tear Down White House and Build a Variation on Trump Tower
It will look kind of like a castle and be re-named the White Castle.
Fatty tax on global airlines imminent!
After Samoa Airline led the way it seems that all global airlines will implement a "fatty tax" on board their planes. Ryanair support the action too! No fatty people, just fatty profits please!
Rooney orders gold-plated zimmerframe!
Jose Mourinho has told Wayne Rooney he is too slow and advised him to order a gold-plated zimmerframe from Amazon.Com! Most United fans would rather see Wayne sent up the Amazon!
Ve only tell ze truth!
A document found by Jaggedone's Cockroach Infiltration Army written by Frau Goebbels in Berlin, 1945, proves that Adolf planted the seed that made Trump trump! Ask Josef Mengele & Dustin Hoffman!
Melania Trump Says She Will Live in Switzerland
"I know Donald real well and Switzerland might be the safest place to be" admitted Melania.
Trump Says He Forgot His Secret Plan to Defeat ISIS
"It's so secret I was afraid to write it down. But it'll come to me, I'm sure" said Trump.
George W. Bush and Barack Obama Are Secretly Glad Trump Was Elected
They know that when Trump's term is over, no one will ever call THEM "Worst President Ever" again.
Mike Pence Doesn't Want to Be Called Vice-President Because He is Against Vice
The Deputy President, or even President, Jr. would be okay though.
Mike Pence Doesn't Want to Be Called Vice-President Because He is Against Vice
He thinks "The Deputy President," or even "President, Jr." would be acceptable though.
Dead ducks in Holland are not Double Dutch!
Yet again Holland leads the way in global conservationism by culling 190000 dead ducks, shipping them to Hong Hong not for eating, no, it's a brand new aphrodiziac called "Save the tiger's teeth!"
Government Deny That Photographed 'Have Cake And Eat It' Note Referred To Brexit Strategy
'Mark Field's aide, Julia Dockerill, was simply pondering on her elevenses,' said a Downing Street spokesman. 'The notes later refer to her plans to stuff her face with crisps and chocolate.'
The "Girls Are Not Objects" Fashion Show
Karl Pilsnerfeld's latest fashion show in Paris, "Girls are not Objects", is all the rage. Said Karl. "Girls are not objects. In this show as well as showing their tits they will parade their personalities."
Pop Music Defined
1. I can't get what I want.
2. I lost what I had.
Maybe...just maybe...there is more to life?
12 Year Old Kid On Politics
"I'd never vote for an idiot who wanted to be a politician."
Donald Trump And His Russian Ties
People are wrong about accusing Donald Trump of having Russian ties...his ties are made in China.
Hillary Clinton Gone Missing
Due to the utter lack of media coverage of Hillary Clinton over the last month a police investigation as to her whereabouts has been launched. "Try the White House", advised her good friend, Trump.
Hillary Cleared of Email Scandal
And just in the nick of time too! Sheeple will be surprised. Sheeple need to wake up as to who is screwing with their minds. Dudes trained in semiotics, psychology, media, wordsmithy and evil.
Bach not Great.
Dr.D.McGonagle a UK music 'expert' states:
"J.S. Bach was not a great musician."
Now you 'know', sheeple.
Dr. McGonagle cannot play a musical instrument or sing a song if his life depended on it.
Trump -- Wasn't Supposed to Be.
Game plan was that Hillary would be elected in a nail biting finish so that the sheeple would believe they had a democracy. Somebody stuffed up. Donald was not so elated to hear he had won. Worried.
Trump's Son Looks Strange
Donald's son looks strange as his dad accepts the nomination on camera. As well he might, because he knows the Chosen One was Clinton and something has gone badly wrong.
America celebrates its first disabled president
Disability groups over the whole world have praised the US for being so progressive as to vote in its first disabled president. Donald Trump suffers from tiny hands and multiple mental problems.
Belfast Names Twin City
Belfast, Northern Ireland has named Palermo Sicily as its twin city. "We have so much in common," explained Sinn Fein councillor, Finnbar Corleone.
Skillings, Rowling's lawyers who took 60+ people to court on her behalf, state. "Writers pleading plagiarism against our clients, go home. Thanks to the web, we can find antecedents to anything. OK?"
Who the hell is J.K Rowling? Who's saying what, when, where and how..about what? And who really has written what about what? Why all the secrecy? Where is her ex-husband, her editors? Who dey? WTF!?
Donald Trump's Newest Book
Donald Trump has released his newest book, called "They Pussy Grabber-in-Chief Tells All: How to Seduce Women and Voters with Tic Tacs and Bombast."
On sale at adult book stores everywhere.
End of The World
"America has declared war against Russia and China!"
You will never miss breaking news with GOOGLE News Alerts
Worst Places to Take a Selfie
1. Divorce Court.
2. Hijacked Plane.
3. Funeral Mass.
4. Death Row.
First Amendment Rewrite
Republicans have rewritten the Establishment Clause, "Congress shall make no law respecting the practice of Islam but shall make one prohibiting the free exercise thereof."
Donald Trump never loses at bridge
In addition to being such a fantastic president-elect, Donald Trump never loses a game of bridge for obvious reasons.
Mars and moon to switch places
Due to strong demand for more moonlight for lovers, NASA is planning to place Mars in orbit around the earth. The moon will take the old Mars orbit, but will not be red, similar to this snippet.
Coral reefs rebound
For years choral reefs have been dying and becoming bleached out rocks due to rising sea temperatures. Luckily U.S government policy that global warming is a hoax has given these reefs a second chance
Trump tweets about his excrement
Donald Trump has tweeted, "I just took a huge crap. It was so big, I'm telling you, there are no problems down there. I am so good at going to the toilet, the best. No-one is better at it than me."
"With the might and power of our science we will so condition the human mind that when we tell the truth however ghastly nobody will respond; and when we tell lies, nobody will be able to respond."
Thanksgiving Reminder to Self
Reminder to self: If the topic of the election comes up at Thanksgiving, do NOT refer to the President-erect as the Birther-in-Chief or as President Xenophobe.
Today President Obama pardoned all the turkeys who voted for Donald Trump.
They will live out their lives standing in unemployment lines, waiting for Mr. Trump to Make America Great Again.
New Category in This Years Oscars
The new category is "The Dumbest Lyrics in a Musical".
Fav is The Bodyguard where... Whitney Houston sings to Kevin Costner..."We both know I'm not what you... you neeeed..." What he needed was specs.
It has now been disclosed that ALL of the erotic videos on Vimeo are made by the same dude - retired gynecologist and tattoo artist Dr. Ramana Dick Bumsfelt of Hackney London.
Rowling's Secret Billions
Sick of the "I did it my way" rags to riches Rowling myth? Well you should. The Freemasons made Rowling and protect their golden cow to a man. Who believes Potter has anything to do with literature?
After the Mannequin Challenge
After the Mannequin Challenge set up by the NWO boys to convince the young that they are but things... comes its successor - the "Be a Douche Bag Challenge" now sweeping the nation.
Fidel Castro Gone
Fidel Castro is dead aged 90.
Cuban octogenarians say he may have been poisoned.
Distress Call from Mars
The world's biggest radio telescope situated at Guizhou in South West China after only a few days operating has picked up a May Day signal from Mars claiming that aliens have invaded their planet.
Irish Priest Barred by Vatican
Controversial Irish Catholic theologian, Fr. Finnbar O'Murphy has been excommunicated by Pope Francis for declaring that "Jesus Christ did not want to suffer... for humanity or anything else."
Fidel Castro's Death Leads to 9 Days of Mourning
Trump's election is 22 days of mourning and counting.