Spoof news snippets from June 2016
There were 61 spoof news snippets published in June 2016. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Putin sits on his hooligan barbed wire fence!
After observing Russian & English hooligans fighting WW3 soccer style, Putin has warned both sets of morons that if Russian win, he will give them a medal! If the English win, he'll take them back!
Erskine Quint in "Journey to the centre of the cerebral cortex"
We finish the monumental journey of Erskine Quint, intrepid, incredible adventurer. When all is lost he is found in the year 2566 BC on top of an unfinished pyramid, where better to start THE END!
Brexit! The Solution!
Those who believe in Brexit please worship Nigel Farage! Not only is he a sheep in wolves clothing Nazi, he is also a total and utter Fucking Moron! Well done Nigel, Hitler would be proud of you!
English Footy hooligans win the Brexit!!
EU headquarters have made a dramatic U-turn in their support for the UK to remain in the Community. English hooligans rioting in France have made us all see the light! Please stay on your Island!
Farage pulls a pint of cats piss too many!
Thanks to Nigel Farage's dedication to boozing English cats piss the Euro Cent has dropped between the ears of other EU members! "We don't want English cats piss and we don't want those who drink it!"
Arsenal offer Cameron Arsene's job!
Sick of losing every year in Europe, Arsenal have offered ex UK Prime Minister, Cameron, Arsene Wenger's job because he only lost once!!
David Cameron to be sanctioned after quitting as PM
David Cameron got himself sanctioned by quitting his job as Prime Minister live on TV. When asked did he regret bringing sanctions in, he declined to comment.
African-American Spotted at Trump Rally
When Donald Trump spotted a black man at his rally, he called him a terrorist and had him ejected.
Trump's Publicist Says Trump Will Sue Hillary
Trump's publicist, who sounds just like Trump, confirmed that Trump will sue Hillary for slander.
NOrth Korean Missilles Backfire and Destroys Ryugyong Hotel
North Koreans are torn between being upset and being glad the monstrosity is finally gone.
North Korean Missilles Backfire and Destroys Ryugyong Hotel
North Koreans are torn between being upset and being glad the monstrosity is finally gone.
Microsoft To Ratchet-up Further Incentives To Upgrade To Windows 10
The new message for Windows users will read: 'We have kidnapped your family. Upgrade to Windows 10 if you wish to see them alive again.'
Farty Man Concerned With Office's New Open Floor Plan
A very farty man is gravely concerned with his office moving to an open floor plan and has requested that his desk at least be placed by an open window.
Brexit drowns in Scotch Whisky!
Nicola Sturgeon has vowed to halt the Brexit by applying a Scottish veto because Scotch Whisky lovers refuse to pay 5op more for a wee dram, QUI, QUI, vive L'Ecosse!
Obama: Brexit is a good idea after all
In a complete turnaround, President Obama tweeted that he likes a good Brexit after a round of golf and a cigarette. His caddie had no comment.
Trump and Johnson Exchange Scalps
During Donald Trump's golf course visit in Scotland, Trump met with former London Mayor Boris Johnson where they reportedly exchanged scalps. Neither Johnson nor Trump were harmed in the exchange.
Broadway News: 'Hamilton' Inspired Play Nixed
Inspired by the artistic casting of 'Hamilton' plans for revival of 'Porgy and Bess' using only non-minority actors nixed. Also, 'Six Degrees of Separation' now down to 'Four...' to cut costs.
Trump Blames His Downslide in the Polls on Terrorists
"Terrorists know they'll be in trouble once I'm President so they rigged the polls against me!!"
Republican Party Claims the 2016 Primaries and Caucuses Were Just Practice Rounds
For some reason, Donald Trump thinks it is a ploy to deny him the nomination. He'll sue, of course.
Donald Trump: The Audacity of Dope
New Sex 'Identity' Available
Yes folks, by popular demand it is here "THE SUPERTRANS". Now you can be straight on Monday, Gay on Tuesday, both on Wednesday, and a baboon on Thursday. Soon available on all school curriculums.
Progress in Education
USA: Pre-schools are to have free psychotherapy.
What Made Muhammad Ali Different?
He lived under a system based on FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
Nowadays, a Muhammad Ali or a William Shakespeare would be an impossibility. Computerized Fascism rules.
History of the Computer
1. First Service Provider = The Jesuit Order.
2. First Information Gathering Device = The Confessional.
3. First External Hard Drive = The Confessor.
Rowling Not on Forbes List?
The Forbes List of the 100 most powerful women 2016 compiled by journos is based on "visibility and economic impact". NWO Golden Goose Rowling... not even in the 100? No visibility? No impact??????
Popular Music Revealed
'Scientists' at the Mind Control Tavistock Inst. have found that pop music has only 4 main themes.
1. I fear I will lose what I got.
2. I miss what I lost.
3. I can't get what I want.
4. I need help.
Let's all chip in and buy her a White House warming gift. I hear she needs a new email server.
Hillary's giving refrigerator magnets to select supporters. Come in handy if you have to erase an email server quickly.
Love or Weight?
"Love Or Weight?".. new entertainment show sweeping the USA. Foodies must choose between their beloved partner or a lifelong free pass to the restaurant of their choice to eat and drink all they want.
UK Travel Advice
FOR PEOPLE VISITING THE ARCTIC.
Possible dangers are...
1. Polar bears
3. Freezing to death.
4. Being there.
Mel Gibson's Passion
L.A., CA: Mel Gibson to direct sequel to The Passion of the Christ. Working title is "Passion Take 2; This Time With Feeling"...
The 4 Most Plentiful Things in the Universe
Researchers at the Mind Control Tavistock Inst. have announced the four most plentiful things in the Universe;
2. Dead planets.
4. Corny 'erotic' movies on Vimeo.
Some Days When I Wake Up
Some days I wake up and think that God, if he does exist (and I'm pretty sure he doesn't), drank his way through a third-rate state college before getting his degree in Organizational Mismanagement.
Caitlyn Jenner Endures First Bridal Shower, Changes Back to Male!
"I'll be brain-dead if I ever have to endure another four hours of turbo-girl-talk and inane party games again", she said.
"What am I tasting here?" asks man in dog kennel.
After cleaning out the dog cages, the man holding the broom became confused over an unidentifiable morsel beside the water bowel.
Brexit Has Brits Craving Breadsticks!
"I can't hear the word Brexit without getting the massive craving for breadsticks!" say most Brits, leaving many convinced that there is some sort of breadstick conspiracy behind the whole thing!
Love Don "Little Finger" Trump.
It's a Mystery.
New Oscars Categories Announced.
New categories added to next year's Oscars.
Called The Orlando Oscars...:
1. Best False Flag Producer.
2. Best False Flag actor.
3. Best False Flag script writer.
4. Best False Flag choreographer.
'Scientists' at the Mind Control Tavistock Inst. have announced "there is no correlation between prescription drugs, especially anti-depressants, and crime". Big Pharma "delighted with the results".
Sheeple MInd Control
"To support the Gay Lobby, UK media and Google will continue to concentrate on news stories of "Innocence Under Attack" using the tragedies of Orlando and Jo Cox," said a BBC informant.
GOP Changes Name to GTP
The Republican Party, or GOP, for Grand Old Party, is now known as the Grand Tea Party, or GTP. Trump insists the new name is Grand Trump Party. Convention delegates will resolve the dispute in July.
U.S. Kangaroo Population Explodes
The U.S. kangaroo population is exploding out of control. Population started in Hawaii and then in all 50 states. Experts believe cruise ships out of Australia are to blame. Report sightings here.
Hamilton to End Broadway Run
The runaway Broadway hit Hamilton is scheduled to close. The original cast quit after becoming instant millionaires under a profit sharing plan. No replacements were willing to learn the lyrics.
Supreme Court Nominee Garland Claims To Be Judy's Son
In a desperate move, Merrick Garland sang "Somewhere over the Rainbow" to 8 senators but still no confirmation.
Alleged step sister Liza won't take his calls either. "He has no talent," said Liza.
Big Donation for Jo Cox Fund
J.K. Rowling has given £10 million to the Jo Cox fund. "Jo was a woman, like me. She was Labour like me. She was called "Jo", like me. And... she wrote all her own lines too,... just like me."
BBC 'very sorry' Sir Cliff 'suffered distress'
However the corporation then pointed out that Sir Cliff has caused the whole nation to suffer for almost 60 years with his music.
US. Democracy R.I.P
"Demockracy" rules. A Supreme Court ruling now allows police to stop people at random, check for existing warrants and then legally conduct a body search.. Has nobody heard of Brown Shirts in the USA?
The Freemasons Annual Parade
LONDON: This years Freemasons Annual Parade will start from the House of Commons and make its way to Fleet Street. Leading it will be George Bush, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, Vladimir Putin and Barack Obama.
Clinton Adopts New Name for Trump
Tired of being called "Crooked Hillary", Hillary Clinton now calls Donald Trump "Pillow Head".
Clinton explains that Pillow Head Donald is "soft inside, fluffy outside. Just not much there."
Congress Sit-Down Protest over Gun Control
Democrats spit dummy and demand to be heard over gun control. The mouse roared. First time for everything. Not a squeak from any over Obama's tyrannical 'executive orders'. Paving the way for Hillary.
Britain to Leave the EEC. Duh?
But European Parliament expected to pass new legislation to ensure that it can remain in-AND-out at the same time.
Brexit. And so it came to pass...
Brit sheeple given the illusion of democratic power as main political parties are reshuffled for hidden purposes to unfold. The NWO marches on. For the boys in the back room all is going to plan.
US restaurant Waffle House to offer 99¢ Brexit
The restaurant chain is expected to lure in new customers, especially the morning rush hour crowd. The new menu offering will be a mixture of fish, chips, biscuits, crumpets, and hot tea.
London to become a City State?
The banking centre of the World to become a principality with its own laws just like its daddy The Vatican, protected in perpetuity from a British electorate? How handy would that be for the NWO?
Citizens of the U.K. who want to re-enter the European Union after the BREXIT vote are starting the reBRenter movement.
Cristo's Newest Installment
Cristo Runs Out of Supplies with his Newest Installment: Wrapping Donald Trump's Ego in Synthetic Fabric
Castro: Cuba will leave Caribbean
Raúl Castro announced his decision for Cuba to exit the Caribbean Sea. Asked where the small Communist nation will go, Mr. Castro indicated that Lake Superior and the Arctic Ocean were contenders.
Perfect Timing or Pure Coincidence?
Dear to control freak Freemasons is the Summer Solstice of June 21st.
The UK's declared Independence Day from the EU is...... June 21st.
Perfect timing or pure coincidence? Place your bets.
US Joins EU
President Obama agreed by executive order to join the European Union after Great Britain's exit vote. Both Trump and Clinton approved of the move.
"It's great to be European again," said Trump.
Poll: Poles tired of Polls about Poles
Poland - According to internal polls, the Poles now refuse to answer pollsters about flag poles. Senior Pole staffer Señior Pölé asked that Poles not be polled about poles, especially at the polls.
"Free" Pig Roast
A marquee in front of a local church announced, "Free Pig Roast!"
No doubt, for the hungry attendees of the Pig Roast, the event is free. The pig himself, however, will pay dearly for the event.