Spoof news snippets from February 2016
There were 43 spoof news snippets published in February 2016. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Jaggedone's new newsflashes from under his grubby overcoat!
Politicians, footballers, Justin Bieber, etc, are shaking in their boots hoping that Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) does not feature them! Wicked bastard!
It had to happen sooner or later!
Mark, prestigious editor of the infamous The Spoof, has been removed in a straight jacket after writers discovered he had his marbles crossed and wires loose; maybe it's better that way!
Somalia discovers latest exterminating machine!
A plane with a hole in its side landed at Mogadishu airport! 60 passengers were onboard at takeoff and 0 left at landing! The plane is called "Arbeit Macht Frei" ISIS has ordered a fleet of 100!
Message To Marco Rubio:
If you wish to express the incompetence of the President, you must express it in a competent way.
The Donald Touts His Military Creds
His Trumpiness bellows he's "militaristic!" 'Course he is -- he colors his hair with Agent Orange.
Is Stephen really Wilde?
Stephen Fry claims he is the reincarnated Oscar Wilde, after his BAFTA disaster many believe he might be right, wild not Wilde!
The Pope is a Headbanger!
During his Mexican visit The Pope decided to bang his head against a US wall proving not only that he's a "Headbanger" but a hypocrite too because his home, The Vatican, has more walls than China!
Obama In Favor Of Breathing, Republicans Hold Their Breath
After Mitch McConnell and others in the GOP passed out, Republicans reversed their plan to stop breathing and claimed Obama's breathing plan was actually based on their own plan released years ago.
Ted Cruz Calls Trump Coprocephallic
Cruz, a good christian man who doesn't use curse words, finds a smart way to say Donald Trump has guano between his ears.
Trump fired back threatening a lawsuit if Webster's doesn't sue first.
Conspiracy Theorists Raise Concerns About Astronaut Deaths
'Only those who were said to have walked on the moon know the truth about faked moon landings,'said a typical conspiracy theorist. 'With the passing of Edgar Mitchell, six have now mysteriously died.'
Police Consider Using Condors To Catch Criminals
Following plans by the Metropolitan Police to use eagles to catch drones, condors are being trialled to spot criminals and fly them to police stations. 'Birds are the new dogs,' said a Met spokesman.
Jeremy Corbyn Provides More Detail Of His Position On Trident
'We'll keep the submarines,' he explained to reporters, 'but scrap the nuclear weapons. Instead we'll paint LET'S BE REASONABLE LADS on the side of each vessel in Russian, Chinese, Korean and Arabic.'
Indian Lawyer, Chandan Kumar Sing, Attempts To Sue God in Indian Court
'Yesterday, I was caught in a violent monsoon thunderstorm,' he told reporters, 'As a result, I now intend to file a further complaint for witness intimidation.'
Home Secretary, Theresa May, Again Stresses The Urgent Need For Her To Easily Access Any Internet Account
Westminster sources confirm that she has not yet found the piece of paper that listed her passwords.
Slimmers Express Mixed Feelings About Detection Of Gravity Waves
'The contraction of space means that many slimmers should drop a dress size,' said a Slimming World astrophysicist. 'Sadly, the effect only occurs for a billionth of a second, once every few years.'
Richard Dawkins Recovers From Illness After The Church Tweets: "Prayers For Prof Dawkins And His Family"
'This was a genuine wish for his recovery,' said a Church of England Spokesman. 'It allows more time for his repentance. Had he died now, he would have been damned to Hell for all eternity.'
The Potter Book 8 Con.
As confidently predicted by "Auntie Matter" on thespoof.com, almost a year ago! Used to be you had to pay for publicity. Not any more. Go on Sheeple make'em richer. 'Share' on Facebook.
Danish kiddies paradise Legoland is a nightmare for United!
Louis van Gaal took his bunch of multimillionaire superstars for a day out to Legoland. Sadly, Danish amatuer brickies build their walls slightly stronger and United's walls, made of crap, crashed!
Webster's Dictionary Replaces Sodomize with Cosbytize
Bill Cosby will likely join the ranks of people like, Ponzi, Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Jim Jones and Jeffrey Dahmer.
L. Ron Hubbard Makes Startling Announcement
Cult leader L. Ron Hubbard made a surprise announcement that he would be returning from Level 2 to kick Tom Cruise's ass and kick him out of his cult.
Time Magazine Removes Evelyn Waugh From Their List Of Female Authors
'We will also be removing Hilary Benn from our list of female UK members of parliament and Val Doonican from our list of female Irish singers,' said a spokesman for Time Magazine.
The UN Security Council says it is upset about the Syrian conflict.
More UK Schoolchildren Interviewed By Police On Suspicion Of Holding Non-liberal Views
'The state secretly monitors all UK residents to detect non-liberal viewpoints,' said a ministry spokesman. 'Those who seem to take non-liberal positions may be subject to internment without trial.'
Hurricane Heading for Britain
Hurricane "Stars and Stripes" heading East to hoover Gt. Britain. Royal Family moved to Australia.
Trump has no need of prayer . . .
. . . says he can talk to himself anytime he wants to.
Valizadeh's Mother Raped
Daryush Valizadeh's mother was yesterday drugged and raped by three men. Said Mr. Valizadeh. "I am just so happy it took place on private property. What a relief!"
UN Rules in Favour of Assange's Release
Justice Lowell Goddard heading the Jimmy Savile inquiry has congratulated the UN on the speed with which it arrived at the conclusion that Mr. Assange should never have been confined.
Assange to go free.
Teenage girls in West Kesington warned to lock themselves in their rooms.
Lady Gaga Does it Again!
Singing the old world War 11 Iceland classic "Whale Meat Again" Lady Gaga at her concert at London's Albert Hall channeled Sir Winston Churchill.
I-Phone's Siri Accuses IBM's Watson Of Stalking And Sexual Harrassment
A judge has granted a restraining order after Siri alleged that Watson bragged of watching 47,000 pornos in eight minutes and wanted her to watch even more with him, though she refused his advances.
Trump Announces Plan To Bomb Mexico And Take Their Oil
If Americans want Mexican beer we're going to take that too," says Donald Trump. "But the order we do it in is important, we take the oil and beer first, then we can bomb them and build a wall."
Subway's Ex-Spokesman Jarod Actually Lost Weight Due To Pedophilia
It appears that Jared Fogle actually lost his weight by chasing under-aged prostitutes and sex partners, not by eating Subway subs. Once deprived of his favorite pastime, the weight came roaring back.
Sales Of Kanye West Shoes Go South
With metal plates and latches instead of laces, they have been described as a chastity shoe for those with a foot fetish. After the designs failed to lure consumers, stores have placed no new orders.
Employee who practices mindfulness doesn't get a damn thing done all day
Although everyone feels better after they talk to him about their problems...
Pope Trumps Trump
Has Pope Francis, good friends of Obama, by condemning Donald Trump as non-Christian put Hillary Clinton into the White House?... And who put him up to it?
The Hotel EEC.
The British Referendum...Duh? Welcome to The Hotel EEC sheeple. "You can check-out any time you like... but you can never leave". Not after you vote "yea" as directedf. The banks rule. The NWO goes marching on.
Big Movies Just Got Bigger
London's mayor ...Boris Johnson has been offered the part of Quasimodo in the remake of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Hillary Clinton will play the hump.
New Subject for Kids
A new subject is to be taught to in schools everywhere according to a NWO EEC ruling. The "SEXUAL IDENTITY CLASS" will teach little girls how to be little boys and little boys how to be little girls. Gays and paedophiles everywhere applaud the ruling as a "progressive step". The future looks bright for all.
MMA Fight Stopped
In Paris yesterday a Championship MMA fight was stopped in the 10th round when Juan "The Jackal" Leon fell on his unconscious opponent and tried to tear out his jugular with his teeth.
Nazi To Be Tried
Chief medic at Belsen concentration camp 1940-45 Klaus Missink is to be tried for war crimes. 103 year-old Herr Missink will be airlifted from his Zurich hospital cancer bed to stand trial in Bonn.