Spoof news snippets from February 2015
There were 256 spoof news snippets published in February 2015. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
All Over "God's Country," God is Posting No Trespassing Signs
God, apparently really pissed off because of pollution, has blocked entrance to "God's Country."
Smoking in cars in England, forbidden!!
From October 2015 it is no longer allowed to smoke in cars! Sex in the backseat, blow-jobs in the front seat will also be banned, but the police promise to be lenient as long as they can watch!
Donald Trump Advertises for Brain
Donald Trump will pay $1 million dollars for a brain, it was announced today. "Look out world! If you think I was doing good before, wait until you see me with a brain!" shouted Trump to the mirror.
John Travolta Shows Off Scientology Face-Touching Super Powers At 2015 Oscars
John Travolta, who at last year's Oscars showed that Scientology super-powers didn't extend to name pronunciation, DID reveal his face touching power, which causes instant revulsion to the victim.
After causing a fire in Twickenham Nutella pots are now to be issued with a fire warning!!
Other glass pots not until they cause a fire too!
A 'clit' too far!
Yoga pants revealing the outlines of womens clits and mens favourite toys are to be banned in London! "They are disgusting in public" claimed Reverend Sebastian Suckcock, but in my private study, WOW!
Bruce Jenner Blames Auto Accident On Being a New Woman Driver
"Everybody complains about woman drivers. Now that I am one I understand" said a newly-female transgendered Bruce Jenner. "I was putting on lipstick and just didn't see the car ahead of me" she said.
Martians kicking up dust on Mars (where else?)!
Cape Kennedy scientists observing massive clouds of dust on Mars have no clue why the planet is exploding, but secret reports from incarcerated inhabitants in Area 51 point to a Martian outburst?
Italians racist? Never!
Arrigo Sacchi, Italian soccer coach has proved to the world what we knew already and dared not to mention, Italy are home to a bunch of racists and for further proof join the Lazio Roma hooligan club!
Sacre Bleu! Chelsea yobs in Paris show true colours!
Moronic, racist, Chelsea fans abused a black commuter on the metro, sung a racist song in his face and threw him off the train! They showed their true colours, not BLUE power more like white power!
Ron Paul and Ru Paul to Star in Reality Show Together
"The Pauls" will be a reality show starring the perpetual presidential candidate and the cross-dressing model. Their first guests will be Paulie Shore and Paul Stanley, to be sponsored by Pall Malls.
Sikh people save indigenous Brits!
The world has turned a full circle, Brits raped, pillaged and robbed during the RAJ and now Sikhs living in Britain are helping down and out Brits to get a decent meal! Double standards maybe?
Burnt to a crisp like Jordan!
Sunbed after sunbed, beach after beach, white turning brown and red attempting to look like Jordan! Is it worth it? Ask your oncologist!
Revenge photographer wants wife scrubbed from the web
Dirty pics of the filthy little slut bringing his business into disrepute
Superbowl entertainment for the FA Cup Final!
The spectacular half-time Superbowl entertainment has been bought by the FA! Sadly, no Lenny Cravitz or Katie Perry (Who?) only Paul Potts and Susan Boyle, WOW, sensational half-time fun guaranteed!
Man shags Dolphin!!
A pervert claimed a female dolphin in Florida tempted him to have sex with her! Now sheep shagging is bad enough, but sex with a dolphin, AAAAAAAGH! Next time please try a Great White!
Birth of a Nation!
More like 'Miscarriage of a nation!"
Greece refuse to bow to Merkel!
Greece refuses to bow to Merkel's demands and now she is getting really serious!Angie has threatened to get out her Dominatrix whip and spank their bums if they don't pay up!
Current Ukranian Situation Prompts Podiatric Moves
While Emperor Barack I and German Chancellor Merkel play "footsie" in Washington, Russki Thug-in-Chief Putin puts more marching boots on the ground in Ukraine. Thus podiatry moves by fits and starts.
Louis van Gaal has long balls!
LVG has told the world he has long balls but only after 70 minutes, before that he prefers the short, sharp version whilst tea-bagging with the missus!
Brian Williams Will Host New Edition of "The Liar's Club"
Veteran news anchor has been signed to star in a new version of "The Liar's Club" to be aired by the Scamatology network, following a bidding war with the Halogen Network for the use of Mr. Williams.
True Brit, Bo Jo, is a damn Yank!
Mayor of London, staunch conservative, and true dark blue Brit, Bo Jo, is planning to become a Brit? Actually he is a Yank and we Brits really do not want him here!
Terrorist attack Legoland!
A bunch of brain-damaged juveniles attacked Legoland in Denmark today and after throwing fireworks at Tower Bridge were escorted out, before being thrown out they yelled; Internet is God not Lego!
Eurotrash leaders reject Netanyahu call for mass Jewish immunization
No amount of jabs can ever immunize against congenital love of crappy Swiss pretzels
Runaway trucker throws refrigerator at cops during highway chase
Charged with a salted battery as jars of soused herrings smash police car windscreens
Pope deplores pressures of 21st century living in World Youth Day rant
Sounds like altar boys are getting younger and younger these daze...
Putin the world's richest man with stolen $200bn cash stash
What a pity Africanised killer termite ants have munched their way through his Vladivostok strongroom and shat out 90% of the digested banknotes
George Takei's fans going nutty ahead of upcoming Broadway show
Sounds like he's just cracked the secret to pulling off 'The Boys From Brazil'
NYPD Cannibal Division reports that 'Real Housewife' LuAnn de Lesseps 'devours' young drunk
Correction! maybe that should read 'young hunk?'
Harvard Law School cancels tribute to lawyer who lied about anti-cop video
Decides to sponor him for Congress instead!
Manhattan councilman wants Mayor de Blasio to combat illicit lapels
Latest craze for badly cut blazers bring NYC into disrepute
Bill calls for $200bn more a year to make wife's railroad journeys more pleasant
Says Hillary is worth every darn cent!
Queens Museum NYC wants to honor 'bank-robbing' professor
Says the guy's a fucking genius for teaching Barack Obama 'everything he knows'
Smackdown news: Albany legislators still partying like there's no tomorrow
US Attorney Preet Bharara's nabbing of Shelly Silver 'probably just a fluke' - so keep the good times rollin' and the campaign dollars will soon be flowin' heheh
NYPD bigwigs crack down on cops using radios to mock officials 'like Mayor de Blasio'
Guys, please stick to Twitter and FarceBook instead!
Wives resorting to anti-racketeering law against rich husbands in court
And who says the guys don't deserve such treatment for acting like crummy mobsters during alimony talks?
Emperor Proclaims No Violence Ever Committed By Islamists
Palace has issued Barack I's latest proclamation,stating that no violence could ever be committed by Islamists, cuz he knows they are dedicated to World peace,seeing it in a recent marijuana vision.
Boots On The Ground
If Canadian terrorists invaded Washington State, would the United States ask Saudi Arabia to contribute boots on the ground?
Pisces: Gigi Hadid could be badass enough to rock gold teeth
Let that be a lesson ahead of next week's full moon.
Typical Aries behavior as Wal--Mart driver appeals in bid to delay Morgan crash suit
Just hope he doesn't come up against a Virgo Judge next week
Taureans the world over in mourning as Mexican soap opera actress Lorena Rojas dies aged just 44
And I won't forget to out roses on your grave!
Those crazy Geminis are at it again folks as Chelsea Handler goes topless at Mardi Gras
Putting the bounce back into the sign of thr Bouncing Twins
Cancerians, your fellow soul mate Kylie Jenner has gone from cute kid to crazy lips
At least the poor cow doesn't have to sleep,with Kanye, heheh!
Patrick Schwarzenegger involved in LA car chase as Mars transit of Leo rages unabated
Steady on the has pedal, Paddy, next week's eclipses could really nettled the Zodiac's big cats
Virgo, now's the time to rediscover your best moments from the 'SNL 40' anniversary special
Sorry if that advice kinda sucks.
A salutary tale for all stressed-out Librans:
CEO of Starwood abruptly resigns as board pushes for growth, bunch of rabid Sagittarians in Accounts now hold all the power until the solar eclipse.
Canny Colorado Springs Scorpios probably guessed right anyway
Others still in shock at news that former Herbalife distributors reject proposed $15M weed settlement
Tricky week predicted for all online shopping-mad Sagittarians:
FAA proposal threatens to ground Amazon's delivery drones, back to carrier pigeon by the weekend.
Capricorns please note: lower gas prices will be no help to retail sales
Especially if your current shopping binges carry on unabated
State Dept Tweetnistas Will Force ISIS into Submission
Old Foggy Bottom revealed future assaults on ISIS will be led by the women of State, pommeling the woe-begone ISIS mauraders with tweets and urging them to "embrace the Liberal Life & tune into NPR."
Pussy Riot releases Oscars Night video
Reworking of Rolling Stones' 19th Nervous Breakdown dedicated to US President Barack Obama on account of his hair having turned 100% grey
Russian Leader voted sexiest man in Poll
Mr Putitin is the man most Euro Girls would like to seduce, in a choice between (1)him (2 )Les Dawson or (3) Richard The Third
Shades of George Dubya Bush's infamous 'pretzel moment?'
NY Toast says felony suspect accuses cops of a salt after punching himself in the face with a potato chip
FBI susoects a booby-trap device as woman dies adjusting her bra holster
Should gave gone for a proper FF-Cup if trying to accommodate a Magnum
Smuggler busted ferrying $150K of cocaine in Nutella jars
Judge said it was a pretty nutty idea to think he's get away with it
ISIS harvests organs to fund terror starting with Iraqi ambassaodr's balls
Not sure who'd want such a transplant but whaddahell....
France tracking 1,000-strong terror sleeper cell called The Groundhogs
Convinced they're about to spring from hibernation, exposing hundreds of French government moles
US to arm Syrian rebels with high-tech gear for upcoming airstrikes
Mostly Oscar de la Renta Winter 2014/Spring 2015 catwalk stuff in camouflage latex and matching accessories
Female IS jihadis endure 'brutal and abnormal' sex says report
Yeah, mostly initiated by syphilis-ridden rhinos and leprosy-toting gorillas but hey, that's Jihadi for ya!
Beagle wins Best in Show at Westminster Doggiefest
Narrowly beats Samantha Cameron, this year's Prize Bitch (again!)
Delay in Obama's immigration program leaves illegal aliens livid
Roswell's Area 51 Detention Camp now birsting at the seams as aliens demand the right to integrate with human 'sub-species'
Lindsay Lohan's community service hearing delayed
Judge incredulous at the actress' claims that she was serving out her sentence behind the bar of a Teetotalers Anonymous meeting
Is this the answer to 'What Keeps The Bailiffs Out During Credit Crisis Times' ??
NY Toast headline, 'Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino's tanning salon shutters'.
Hanoi Jane says she loves to skin up with some Colorado Bud
Especially when crossing thr Atlantic - kinda gives a whole new meaning to the Sky High Mile High Club
Ethics probe demands more hard drive evidence from Silver about his income
Any sign of those illicit HSBC Swiss bank accoints, Shell?
Cop accidentally shoots squad room sergeant instead of wild dog
Ain't life a bitch, Sarge!
Judge gives Gov Cuomo til Friday to set Staten Island erection date
Bound to be enough time for the Viagra to kick in, forchrissakes!
Phew, good news at last: court rules local governments can't restrict where sex offenders live
Especially good news for the 3,000 or so suspected perverts in NYC's Meatpacking District
Top NY judge announces sweeping grand jury reforms
All jurors submit to a polygraph about their online blogging plus blood tests to rule out mad cow disease
Kevin Costner runs a crap marathon in 'McFarland, USA'
Maybe subconsciously still being pursued by daft Brit fantasist Tessa Cunningham who's dined out on shagging Costner for the last 15 years
Joan Rivers' $28m 4-bed UES apartment overrun with vermin and ghosts
And that's just the legal team handling the probate plus a few of the wannabe heirs
Someone can now manage your FarceBook account after you die
Brand new Hexoplasm App lets you leave instructions for stuff once you've snuffed it
Shape-up News: Kate Hudson shows off her rock-hard ass
Correction! Hold the front page! That last bit should read A-B-S!
UK Parliament Stunned By Allegations That Daily Telegraph Failed To Publish Negative Stories About Advertisers
'We failed in every attempt to stop them exposing our dishonest expense claims,' said a parliamentary spokesman. 'All we ever needed to do was advertise with them. We're gutted at our own stupidity.'
US, Turkey to arm and train simian rebels
Battle for Planet of the Apeshit goes viral, expect heavy losses
'World's fastest hearse' that can get you to a funeral at 150mph on 24/7 standby
Rumors say it's been booked for the rest of 2015 by top foreign RIP-in-waiting Queen Elizardbirth
The agony & the extasy as man buys $6 watch at Goodwill, resells it for $35K
...then gets stung for $40K bill by the taxman who refuses to believe $35K auction price story
Semi-naked woman found alive inside cardboard box at landfill site
Landlord refuses to return the woman's clothing, claims she owes three months rent
Cop finds stunning $15,000 pearl in his seafood dinner
Now being sued by the restaurant owner who says all treasure trove foind on the premises belongs to him, sheeshhh.
Ex NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani says Obama doesn't 'love America'
Accuses of screwing over the American people just like he screwed over loads of women while a convict on the run
Shock for young Mom who sells breast milk online to 'bodybuilders'
Organic macrobiotic human breastmilk yoghurt factory making millions thanks to Sadie Bazooka's stonking 44DD lactation splurge
Jihadi terror mastermind who used to be a secretary brings out movie sequel
Movie industry sources say it's a reworking of '9 to 5' with Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton
7 infected, 2 dead and scores vomiting their guts out after 'superbug' outbreak at LA hospital
Medics at Ronald Reagan Mammorial Hospital in LA blame Oscars-resistant viral crap that's poisoning Los Angeles residents
Bulldozer bait as Rosie O'Donnell sells Florida mansion for $5.7M
Realtors reckon it's a teardown that's lucky to make half that price
At last, some honest talk about Kanye West's fashion design genius:
Kelly Cutrone slams West: 'He's a joke as a fashion designer'. Hear, hear.
Maybe he was listening to Bob Marley's 'Catchafire' ?
Just sifting throught the rubble to find clues as Art Garfunkel's NYC penthouse burns down
Bwahaha as hedge fund tycoon sues for lost $253K on $147M Hamptons purchase
That's at least $100m over the odds considering the cottage sits on Further Lane and not prestigeous Lily Pond Drive
Latest tongue strap news as 'Muzzled' mistress blasts free-speech-touting ex-lover
Cool it, guys, neither of you looks cute in that studded facial harness, more Hannibal Lecter than 50 Shades of Shit
$2.5 million Lottery Winner Vows Major Life Change
Sacramento, CA - Lottery Winner Charlene Gomez vows to finally stop "sucking so much Greyhound Waiting Room Dick," now that she has "millions," with which she can pursue other, more expensive hobbies.
Canadian MP's pants are too tight!
Pat Martin, Canadian MP, rushed out of a critical debate because his pants were too tight! He bought them at a renowned discounter called L++l and L++l never sell fart proof products, cheapskate!
India insists Mexican Bean tree planted by Obama is not dead
Brit satirists send Barack Obama a DVD of Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch
The dilemma facing Wall Street: will Chicken Selects save McDonald's?
Long trail of puke from the restaurant to the sidewalk says pretty much 'NO'
All new UK girl band ISIS to tour Syria
"An explosive must-see act" Rolling Stone. "They simply blew me away" NME. "A real blast!" Mojo.
In historic peace offering, Hamas delivers giant wooden horse to Israel.
In a historic showing of solidarity and peace, Hamas delivered a giant wooden horse outside the wailing wall as a gift to the democratic nation. Israeli officials responded, "are you fucking kidding?"
Winona Ryder stalker just wants his jacket back.
Winona Ryder's stalker was arrested Tuesday. Police claim the stalker merely wants his jacket back, which he claims was stolen from him backstage at the Oscars in 1989.
Unfair dismissal lawsuit as police dog fired for biting cop & doughnut shop worker
Attorneys for K9 say it's a bum rap because someone should have fed the mutt some breakfast
Ex-Mayor Giuliani says Obama influenced by commies since youth...
...called Vlad the Impaler Putin pulled down his pants and blew him in a Sugar Land parking lot in Texas, heheh
NYC attorney pleads guilty to courthouse bribery scam
Hmm, any relation to that Ecuador racketeering guy, whassisname Steven Donziger?
Following U.S.-Iraqi compromise, U.S. predator drones to spell "I'm Sorry" in fuel exhaust
"The Iraqis will appreciate this gesture as a sincere apology," CDR Williams said, "especially those instances where we destroy their entire life in a millisecond with our hidden sky plane missiles."
Latest NFL player beats wife in woods, nobody around to hear it, still makes lots of sound
Answering the age old physics question, when an NFL player beats his wife in the woods, and nobody is around to hear it, it still does make lots and lots of sound.