Spoof news snippets from December 2015
There were 42 spoof news snippets published in December 2015. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
New Orleans is so good hearted!
To cover up homeless junkies, alcoholics and losers, New Orleans is building new State Highway bridges as far away as possible from Le French Quarter so tourists can enjoy Le Mardi Gras in safety!
King Louis slips up again on his banana skins!
King Louis van Gaal has been offered a role in Disney's new version of Jungle Book! He will play King Louis, the king baboon. A made to measure role because he loves slipping up on banana skins!
Chelsea love affair is over!
The greatest West End soap opera love affair between A Special one and his Russian Prince has ended! They shook hands (a golden one), kissed and parted. The huge question; who is Bluer now?
Merkel Time Magazine's person of the year! Scheisse!
She's done it again, Angie Merkel is person of the year 2015 and I'm sure many impoverished, poor, desperate Greeks driven to the brink of bankruptcy and suicide will be over the moon!
Donald Trump Will Restart Apprentice TV Show So He Can Hire Mexicans and then Fire Them
He's also going to build a wall on the Mexican border with his own money and bill the government.
The Term "It's Not Brain Surgery" Discarded Due to Ben Carson
Americans changed their opinions of the intelligence of brain surgeons after hearing many of the statements of Ben Carson. They now will say "It's not rocket science" exclusively.
Church of Scientology to Take Back Honorary Doctor of Dianetics Degree Once Bestowed on Cosby
Cosby WILL be allowed to keep his Bachelor Degree in Ashtray Shouting.
Volga Olga to be crowned Miss Universe 2015!
After the scandal around Miss Columbia, the title has now gone to Volga Olga, 85 year-old Russian horny hag!
Trump surges in polls after a striking pledge
The Donald promised to kick ass, take names, and eradicate TV reality shows from American life, if elected President. In fact, he'll ax the Kardashians immediately.
While the Emperor Muses, Western Civilization Loses
Barack I soaks in Royal Hot Tub and on his Olympian ego muses, as Queen of Sheba-Susan Rice the Royal parts peruses. While, in the Levant Putin fuses, in the Pacific China oozes, and all ISIS abuses.
Chicagoland Potentate is Guaranteed Next Gig By Emperor
Rahm Emanuel-under-siege Chicagoland Potentate-has heard from Barack I his next role in Empire is a sure thing. He will be the new Chief Eunuch of Emperor's harem,under whip of Queen-Sheba Susan Rice.
Billion Dollar Treasure Ship Found Off Colombia
Spain claims ownership based on legal principle of 'We stole it first.'
Special Forces Vets Make a Recommendation to Trump
Seals & Rangers went to a Trump rally to urge that, when King Abdullah of Jordan next comes to US,The Donald should personally frisk and harass the King-also a Special Forces vet-and see what happens.
Trump Shoots Valet, Gives Victim's Family a New Car
When he came at me with the keys in his hand I thought he had a gun, so I had to shoot him in self-defense! said Trump. BUT I have given his family a new Ford Fiesta and a free night in Trump Towers.
Australian National News Headlines...Wednesday
Prince Andrew broke a finger nail while dining out in Sydney. Injury not thought to be life threatening.
How much do I hate Christmas?
You think that the Grinch had a problem with Christmas? I hate it so much that I wish God, the night he knocked up the Virgin Mary, had used a condom.
O'Reilly and Trump Hold Their Own Intense Debate
The Donald Huckster-in-Chief and Bill Spinmeister-in-Chief had a heated exchange debating which had the most stupid group of followers, nearly coming to blows 'til Jerry Springer said: "It's a draw."
Jeb Bush Outs Donald Trump As A Democrat Secret Agent
Donald Trump was outed today by Jeb Bush as a secret double-agent, sent by Democrats to destroy the Republican party.
Kim Jong-Un to Spend Holidays Touring with All-Girl Band
The North Korean premier was quoted as saying, "Of course I can take the time off! I've got this country running like a top!" Kim also plans to use his new anti-aircraft gun to do some pigeon hunting.
Inquiring Minds Want to Know the Latest About the Trump-Putin Romance
Our correspondent in Moscow just got word that Donny and Vladdy plan an exciting getaway at Vladdy's Sochi dacha. After steamy tryst acrobatics they'll unwind by shooting more missiles into Ukraine.
Kim Jong-Un Will Add Playground to Largest Labor Camp
In a bit of holiday spirit, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un has announced that a playground, decorated in Xmas wreaths and lights, will be installed in Yodok, the country's largest labor camp!
Chicago Potentate Seeks Guidance from Former Ruler-Mentors
R Emanuel-Chitown Ruler facing extermination-went to Emperor Alumnus&Supreme Bubbaness Clinton and his erstwhile consort Wicked Witch of Hillary State for counselling on ethics & integrity.It figures.
Kim Jong-Un, Mel Gibson, Bill Cosby, & David Miscavige to Form Axis of Evil
The Axis of Evil will meet in Trump Tower.
Chris Hitchens Returns as Ghost of Verity Past with a Message
Wearing an ashen hoodie & smoking an e-ciggie, Hitch held forth: "Verily I tell you, Islamic terror is reality of the time; the deceit is Hillary, who is a lie herself." Hitch then vanished in vapor.
Donald Trump Calls Hillary Clinton A Liar
Donald Trump called Hillary Clinton a liar? This from a guy who promised to love, honor and obey wife number one, wife number two and wife number three.
Bill Cosby to Sue American Public
Disgraced comic Bill Cosby announced today through a lawyer that he would be suing the American public for refusing to believe him when he denied being a rapist. Subpoenas have been sent out to all.
Hillary Clinton Says She will Toss Trump's Salad
Democrat Presidential hopeful, Hillary Rodham Clinton said today that she will "Toss Trump's Salad", if he is the Republican candidate in 2016.
Jeremy Corbyn awarded knighthood in New Years Honours.
Corbyn was given the award for his services to the Tory Party, by making Labour an unelectable joke his leadership guarantees the Conservatives a permanent majority in the Commons.
Obama's to Sing Final State Of The Union Address
The president will sing the address, accompanied by the band, Coldplay.
American Political Dictionary
Active Shooter: a white wingnut and/or terrorist with an assault weapon exercising his Second Amendment rights.
American Political Dictionary
Cuntrition: The state of a politician who has been caught cheating on his wife and appears before a press conference with his wife and family. Not to be confused with contrition.
#TheBigGuy (God's tweet after the deluge of prayers He received this week):
Look, you dumb fucks, you have free will. Use the reason I endowed you with. Pass some common sense gun control laws.
Reindeer Becoming Elf-Radicalized
'Elf-radicalized' reindeer can be seen protesting at the North Pole and outside of major U.S. department stores, carrying signs and shouting: "DEATH TO THE GREAT SANTA!"
J.K.Rowling to be Made a Saint
Pope Francis has announced that J.K.Rowling is to be canonized. This is a first time a saint has been made before they have even died. Editor for the Daily Telegraph said; "This comes as no surprise. We have fought hard for this."
Bearded man kicked off of the tube for being Muslim actually just Hipster
A man in London was accosted by fellow tube passengers after he took out an iPad from his bag on Friday. Several Muslim slurs were hurled at the man before passengers realized he was just a hipster.
First British Astronaut Arrives At Space Station To Fix Oil Leak
Mike Oxbig was tapped by the European Space Agency (ESA), after an oil leak was discovered on the space station last month.
Hillary and her toys
When Hillary wants to be one of the boys,
She goes ahead and straps on her toys;
Sometimes she puts on the wicked witch,
That's when she becomes a real bitch.
Jose Mourinho likely to be sacked before Christmas.
However the Chelsea manager is now the bookies favourite to be the next Labour leader.
US-ISIS Deal Allows 110 Mass-Killings Per Day
President Obama and ISIS have struck a deal to allow as many as 110 mass-killings per day in the USA.
Al Qaeda Pharmaceuticals Changes Its Name
Al Qaeda Pharmaceuticals on Friday announced that it will change its name ISIS Pharmaceuticals.
American Political Dictionary
Tinkle Down Economics: A feel good theory of economics that allows Conservatives to piss on the poor and justify their un-Christ-like behavior with a bogus theory.
Australian National News Headlines...Boxing Day
Prince William and Prince Harry back home again in Sydney have revealed that their father Prince Charles can be an embarrassing dad like any other.