Spoof news snippets from April 2015
There were 173 spoof news snippets published in April 2015. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Plastic Goon Show arrives in Salford!
Last night the British public were mesmerised by a bunch of plastic Goons who will soon be running the country, the real Goons RIP, will be turning in their graves devastated at the thought!
Vatican refuse entry to French gay ambassador!
Pope Francis has forbidden a gay French ambassador from becoming the French rep to the Vatican. Pope Francis said, "we don't mind gay priests, but ambassadors, no, no messieur!" Is that hypocrisy?
Gay penguin book banned in US!
US library and school authorities have decided to ban a book about a gay penguin couple adopting a baby! Elton John has protested and begged Penguin books to reissue the book in San Quentin!
Surrey farmer turns his castle into luxury pig pens!
Farmer Fiddler thought he had "hey diddled" the council by building a castle without permission and was ordered to demolish it, but being a great Fiddler, his castle is now a luxury piggy B & B!
Zebras break loose in Belgium!
I just crossed them with a Beatle and got a donkey!
Sheepdog drives tractor on motorway!
A sheepdog was seen driving a tractor down the M74 and it's owner was also seen barking at his herd, they ignored him of course, the farmer not the dog!
Next Round of Iran Nuclear Talks Start Next Week At Secret New Location
Best bet it's either inside the defunct Chernobyl reactor or the fucked-up Fukishima plant in Japan
Hillary in Chappaqua Prepares for Congressional Hearing
Ensconced in her Purda chamber--required by her Arab backers--at home, The Hillary prepares for her appearance at the Benghazi Committee hearing. Her opening statement: "A cyber-canine ate my emails."
During the Iran-will-nukem Discussions A New Role Identified for Kerry
Inking a charade-deal with Iran,Foreign Minister Kerry's next job will employ him directly in Tehran. He'll be used as a floor mop for the Ayatollah's latrine with his follicular top amply in service.
Rare Honors Are Conferred Upon Senator Reid
Nev. Senator Harry Reid received a unique distinction yesterday. He was acclaimed by both Prevaricators Intl and by The Rev. Jim Jones Society as Liar and Asshole of the Year, respectively. Well done.
Trolls have reemerged and are determined to drag The Spoof back into the depths of satirical hell, no f'ing way! Spoofers unite now! Je Suis Le Spoof, off with their heads!
Paul Blart, Mall Cop, Asked to Join the Avengers
Paul Blart, Mall Cop, was asked to fill a hole in the Avengers due to the disappearance of Ant Man.
Fat Albert Disassociates Himself from Bill Cosby
Most people thought I was just a character made up by Bill Cosby, or maybe just one of his multiple personalities, but I'm real and I'm tired of Cosby telling me I have to remain fat "for my image!"
President Obama Almost Shot by White Cop
President Obama was fired upon by a white cop in Ferguson, Missouri but luckily wasn't hurt. "I just saw a black guy in the middle of a bunch of white people and couldn't control myself" he said.
Republicans Send Letter to Iran Telling Them Obama Sleeps With a Night Light
The Republicans sent a letter to the Iranians reminding them not to make any deals with Obama since he'll be out of office soon and because he used to wet the bed and still sleeps with a night light.
Tom Cruise and John Travolta Quit Scamatology to Become Mormons
"Ya, like I was like totally blown away you know man by the magic tablets" said John Travolta, while Tom Cruise just grinned and said "Two words. Mormon Underwear."
Word Etymology #2
from the Latin 'fundament',meaning buttocks and 'ist', meaning 'one who thinks with'.
Worst Time for Being a Parent
Scientists have discovered that the worst time for being a parent is roughly nine months after falling pregnant.
Gaza man hoodwinked into selling Banksy mural for $10
Apologises profusely and begs forgiveness, damn silly etching wasn't worth more than three bucks
Guys, I am so cut up about that headline defendant tells jury in response to verdict:
'Ex-cop gets ATE years for cutting up man he met on cannibalism website'
Drunk man steals forklift to retrieve crashed duck
Correction! i think that should read 'crashed truck'.
Woman who stabbed boyfriend after he ate all the salsa pleads mitigation
Says she would have shot him instead but had run out of bullets
Palestinian Authority becomes member of International Criminal Caught
Ok, if you're being really pedantic that should read 'Court'
Pet store owner charged in deaths of brothers asphyxiated by 10ft python
Cops utterly reject claims that a Mexican Rattle Snake put him up to it
So what's inside Melissa Rivers' tribute book to Joan ?
Half a dozen empty coke wraps and an IOU for a hundred bucks
Jesse Kornbluth says his book's threesome tale is just twat
Can't say I disagree!
Ryan Reynolds wants daughter to work as a flight attendant or barista
that's shorthand for 'NOT a hooker' and 'NOT a dealer'
Easter and Ignorance
99% of Christians are unaware that the Hollywood classic (The Ten Commandments) is totally unrelated to the Easter holiday.
Lois Lerner Creates Shrine to Worship Her Idols
Unindicted IRS criminal Lerner spared no expense in creating her basement grotto shrine to worship Police State Chief Holder and Emperor Barack I. Funding came from tax surcharges on Koch Brothers.
Bubba Clinton Says He'll Keep Low Profile in The Hillary Campaign
Bill declares he will take care of remote and back office intern position arrangements while Hillary keeps herself burka'ed in purda at the beck and call of Her Arab handlers. Bubba be pleased, y'all.
"London Gatwick Obviously" Emphasises Oil Discovery Under Gatwick Airport
'A well near Gatwick airport could yield 158 million barrels of oil.' said a spokesman for "London Gatwick Obviously". 'Piping it directly to the planes would significantly reduce travel costs.'
Missing City of Glasgow - friends and relatives getting through on mobiles.
Relatives and friends of the population from the missing city of Glasgow claim they are getting through to numbers and voicemail on mobile networks. Flicker of hope for millions.
Pope takes lead as millions pray for return of missing City of Glasgow.
Pope Francis offered hope and prayers to the missing city of Glasgow this morning from his balcony at the Vatican as thousands stood silent below with candles cherishing his every word.
Billy Connolly mourns loss of Glasgow.
Comedian Billy Connolly who uses Glasgow anecdotes as part of his stand up show says he's in shock at Glasgow disappearing. Speaking from New York, he blamed those wee North Korean buggers.
Craigspisst inundated as Jihadis post job ad for press officers, teachers and bomb builders
Free medical insurance guaranteed for the first week of service, after that it's all do-it-yourself.
Pussy Cat shocked on power pole falls 50 feet, survives
Owners say Fluffy really got so spooked after seeing neighbors' dog frolicking in an outdoor hot tub he just darn well fell off his lofty perch
WTF 'Ex-TV pitchman unrepentant after kicking owl while paragliding' ?
Gotta be a spoof headline, everyone knows owls just do not paraglide
Obama and Castro face to face meeting to restore ties
Castro Jr to get the Hermes blue and gold silk cravat while Obama goes for the black dickie bow
Bloomberg formally knighted by UK
Queen Elizardbirth bestows the Order of the Sticky Wicket for keeping schtum about Prince Andrew's hos
'Feminist' Hillary Clinton is simply a tool says GOP stink tank
Expect plenty more revelations about her machinations with Dunfay's accouncement about her presidential run
Biden puts Bloomberg's pacifier in his mouth
That's one way of making sure he keeps schtum!
Poor dental hygiene said to be behind Tom Cruise delay to start of filming new movie
Broadway's 'Wolf Hall' is beautiful but boring because it was written by a fat slag
And that's the best review of this $50m production, sorry to, disappoint you guys
The Pious Prick?
New biography claims Nostradomous had an enormous penis and used it at leat twice for monetary gain. One client is purported to be male. He was, however demure about his appendage....
Emperor Attends Dictator Seminar From Master Mentor
Barack I was delighted to get indepth dictatorial guidance from his new mentor, Raoul Castro.Specially of interest was the Cuban Thug's approach to "political" prisoners.DOJ troopers prepare in haste.
The Hilary Makes Early Announcement of VP Running Mate
She names Wahabi Ibn Atta as her 2016 running mate.It's historic--first time an Islamic terrorist will be on a Presidential ticket. Good for ISIS,cuz there will be no delays to get In-US target data.
Rand Paul Announces His Approach to Foreign Policy
Candidate Paul asserts in his Presidency US will dispense with all Foreign Policy matters, declaring: "We'll all git out to the holler 'n' brew sum Kaintuck moonshine! Daddy's nutso recipe kicks ass!"
Socially Awkward Deduction Worried No One Will Take Her On This Year's Return
...but concerned about being seen as EZ.
Hollywood Buzz Reveals Senator Harry Reid's Next Career Move
Soon-to-be-retiring Reid is jumping into Movie Biz. Word is he's been signed to appear as an arch villain in the next Bond flick. Harry will be portraying Bond's new nemesis, Ernst Stavro Blowwank.
Incontinence pad used by Pope Francis auctioned off for $30K
Vatican taking da piss with its holy relics program
Exotic dancing spoof discovered in Florida mansion
Sounds like Bargis Tryhol caught pirouetting The Nutcracker
18th-century sex toy unearthed at school of swordfish
Correction! that should read 'at school of swordmanship'
South Carolina abduction thwarted because suspect couldn't shit sticks
Er, 'couldn't drive stick shift'
Hillary's father's tombstone razed to the ground
Poor sucker turning in his grave at the idea of Hillary 2016
Kissing cab hos gobsmacked at inclusion in Clinton campaign vid
Prior arrangement with live porn streaming company throwing up all kindsa copyright issues
WTF 'The evolution of Emma Watson?'
Jumped up non-entity now a hasbeen as Harry Potter movies become old hat
'Fault in Our Stars' author's Indiana home 'is listing'
Second thoughts, make that 'is being listed'
Lil Wayne's former driver accuses rapper of threatening to chill him
Dastardly stuff, LW!
Uptight Israeli ultra-Orthodox Jews cut Kim Kardashian from photo
Women don't have a soil in Judaism, besides KK is an old slag in the first place
Kendall Jenner goes topless, 'soon maybe headless'
IS Jihadis reckon a spot of beheading is coming next
UN chief gives Daniel Craig special emission to eliminate mines
The project will commence after mignight, Mr Bond, so it will be a nocturnal emission
Woman says she was forced to take the piss in jail cell after drinking 'Bahama Mamas'
Mock my taste in booze and see how I redecorate your jail cell walls
Psycho-killer wolverine escapes from New Jersey porn shoot
Lock your pussies, guys, she's got a taste for raw meat
Man standing outside Papaya Dog is stabbed in head with a Screwdriver
Such terrible luck the guy's having, last week he got hit in the chops by a Manhattan, And previously a Bloody Mary.
Bill De Blasio defends his decision not to endorse Hillary
Endorsements start at $100,000 and rise thru to $500,000. No IOUs accepted.
Nokia confirms acquisition fucked-up French telecom company
Money for old rope acquistion soumds like a desperate tax saving ploy
Inhumane Society wants Neiman Marcus 'faux' fur probe
Says too many damn Alsatians are going missing before ending up as fun fur stoles on the catwalk
Word Etymology #1
Early 16th century corruption of idiocy. Orig. from Gaelic idjit.
Pope Ends Battle With American Catholic Nuns' Group
Loses five hands of poker to the Sisters of the Immaculate Deception plus three crates of holy communion whine
Judges Hear Challenge to Obama's Climate Effort Stuff
A whole lotta hot air from presidential asshole could entirely demolish Obama's slant
Woman driver blames coffee-drinking parrot for car smash
That's what happens when a caffeine-high macaw gets behind the wheel at rush hour on the beltway
City of Detroit sues 'wrong church' over $170K power bill
Now being counter-sued by the First Hellfire Tabernacle of Mysterious Saints for defamation
Giacometti sculpture poised to sell for record $130 million
A bit over priced considering it's only a copy and at least another five are out there
Man tossed through window by NYPD cop gets 'lousy' $120K settlement
Everyone knows the going rate starts at $100k for hurt feelings, never mind the plate glass lacerations and broken legs
Man wins $14.7M after hand was crushed in garbage compactor
That's one hell of a way to swoop on the Powerball jackpot - and it's all tax freak
$5m book advance boosts Governor Cuomo's annual income
Must be some awesome kiss-n-tell revelations abou his divorce from Kerry Kennedy for all that filthy lucre to land in his lap
Bill and Chirlaine De Blasio coughed up just $44K in taxes for 2014
Maybe the couple have a touch of amnesia about all those PetroEcuador dividend checks checking into their Caribbean checking accounts?
'Star Wars: The Farce Awakens' trailer debuts in LA
Preview show delayed by five hours as Harrison Ford crash lands his Piper Cessna at a Glendale golf course
Dating site for cheaters looks to raise $200M in IOO
Wall Street rumor mill says Bill Clinton just appointed to the Executive Board
More Force, Less Fat
The New Jedi Order have issued a galaxy-wide report which clearly states the weight restrictions for would-be recruits. 'More Force, Less Fat' is their logo for this cycle.
A Smiley Suite
Anthropologists have discovered what they believe to be the earliest set of playing cards, in a recently opened Egyptian casket. The 65 card set contains an extra suite - a smiley face.
Hound Dog Sound Dog
Ben-Jamin the North-West radio broadcast enthusiast had a rude awakening today when testing his portable studio. He tweaked the frequency one notch too far and was set upon by 5 neighbourhood dogs.
Scamatology Won't Let Bill Cosby Join
Scamatology, still reeling from the Going Clear documentary exposing their craziness and top secrets, has banned beleaguered comedienne Bill Cosby from joining due to his "bad press."
Media Coverage-- About Gays, Gay Marriage, and Feaux-"Religious-Freedom" Discrimination-- Abruptly Ends
"With that subject there's nothing much to report on anymore," said an unnamed AP reporter. "There are bigger more important issues going on in the world. Plus, social conservatives have dropped it."
Congressional Republicans Praise Administration,Sec. of State Kerry, on Iran Talks
"We don't want Iran to have a nuclear weapon either. We think an incentive agreement which allows the world to inspect and enforce this is a great idea," said a prominent Republican lawmaker.
Bush, Clinton Donate 50% Of Their Massive Campaign Funds To Charity & Towards Paying Off The National Debt
Mainstream News Media Eases Up On 2016 Presidential Election
"19 months away and we've been talking about it since Obama was sworn in," said a cable news exec. "We're going to let this thing flesh out for a year or so before we speculate and prognosticate."
Large Group Of ISIS Fighters Defect
"We're not so sure about some of the stuff we've been told, both by our holy books and by our commanders and recruiters," an anonymous dissatisfied fighter was quoted as saying.
Yahoo Website Receives Journalism Award
"This speaks to our constant diligence and fact-checking, the talents of our fluid writers, and our straightforward headlines," said CEO Marissa Mayer.
Groups And Factions Upset Over Harmful Label
"We think the term 'PC Police' is demeaning; an inflammatory label which offends," said some nanny from some stupid advocacy group.
New Video Game Inspires Hope In Some Parents
"I've heard that in this game your child can pick a character, join up with other characters, and explore back yards, creeks, and play sports outside. Good graphics. Promising," said a mother of 4.
Police Officers Show Restraint, Use Proportionate Force
Recently, a police officer assessed the situation and didn't end up killing anybody. An arrest was made. The perp did not resist and thus was not even beaten up.
97% of Climatologists Fudged Data, Proven Wrong
As scientific fraud of massive proportions is unraveled, climatologists all over the world 'feel the heat'. "Even the NASA photographs of the Earth's poles were doctored," said an investigator.
Loretta Lynch Confirmed As New Attorney General
"We thought the highest law enforcement officer in the land was an important position," said Mitch McConnell. "We put it to the floor and confirmed her nomination. It wasn't rocket science."
Ted Cruz Apologizes For Fear Mongering, Pandering, Distorting
"I've realized the error of my ways," said Cruz. "I'm running a more sensible campaign now."
Jeb Bush Throws Brother Under The Bus
"I love my brother but the guy was a sh***y f***ing President. One of the worst ever. I'm not like him. I let facts dictate my decisions. He sucked. Everyone knows it. Even his supporters."
New Infrastructure And R&D Bill Passes Both Houses With Ease
"This is how America achieved her status as an economic superpower Post WWII. More jobs, new technology,better roads/bridges/water systems/power grids. A no-brainer really," said everyone in Congress.
Daily Pot Smoker Abstains on "4/20"
Asked to comment, he said, "I wanted the day to be different and special."
Republicans Reveal They Have Evidence Obama is Stockpiling WMDs
Dick Cheney revealed that the Republican Party has proof that Obama is stockpiling weapons of mass destruction and the army should be called in to invade the White House.
Bourbon theft ring networked at mothball games?
Correction! make that softball games!