Spoof news snippets from October 2014
There were 90 spoof news snippets published in October 2014. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Bill Murray to Do a Sequel to Groundhog Day: Bill Murray to Do a Sequel to Groundhog Day
Bill Murray has announced that he will do a sequel to Groundhog's Day. Bill Murray has announced that he will do a sequel to Groundhog's Day.
Kim Jong-Un Revealed to Be Secret Transvestite
Kim Jong-Un, hereditary communist dictator of North Korea, was recently revealed to be a secret transvestite when he disappeared recently due to injuries resulting from wearing high heels.
HMP Bullingdon's graffiti problem "not me" says Rolf Harris.
A graffiti outbreak at the prison were Rolf Harris is serving six years has infuriated Prison staff, asked what the graffiti drawings were of officers replied "we cant really tell what they are yet"
North Koreans Line Up For Chance to Be Infected With Ebola Virus
The certain death that infection by the Ebola Virus causes was irresistible to the North Koreans.
Rocky Mountain High No Longer the Colorado State Song
Colorado legislators have decided to change the state song to Cypress Hill's "Hits From the Bong."
Fox News Substitutes Trained Chimp for Bill O'Reilly-Few Notice!
But in Bill O'Reilly's defense, it must be stated that the chimp was VERY good.
John Revolting Objects to Calling Latest Scamatology Event a Gala
"I think saying gay and then la gives people the wrong idea!" said Revolting. "Me too!" said T.C.
Justin Bieber and North Korean Leader On Same Fantasy Basketball Site
Pop star Justin Bieber and North Korean despot Kim Jong Un are both on the same fantasy basketball website, battling it out in cyberspace over the comic collection Kim says Justin ripped him off on.
Wonga.com accidentally gave customer good deal.
An inquiry has begun at Uk's biggest online moneylenders after a customer was accidently given a good deal on a loan. Director Ray Self stated the problem has been fixed and rip off rates are back.
UKIP Celebrates Another Constiuency Victory
Glastonbury- Nigel Farrage touted the victory for UKIP here. Newly elected MP Arthur Pendragon CBE will represent this constituency in the battle against the cozy cartel of elite front benchers.
Dog of a nurse with Ebola to be euthanized
Just WHO you calling a dog says Nurse?
Sweden Abandons Search For Russian Submarine
'We won this round,' said Russian President, Vladimir Putin. 'Now Sweden must hide a sub in Russian territorial waters. We are already covering our eyes and counting.'
Venerable Oxford Now Merits New Accolade
Oxford,UK, has yet another distinction: Ciggie-butt Capital of the World. Granted by the Intl. Tobacco Consortium, it was clear after recent research that Oxford has more ciggie-butts than any other.
National Rail Breaks New Ground in Ticket Innovation
UK-NatlRail continues its cutting edge innovative work to increase revenue and reduce cost. Issued today is Caveat Emptor Billet-sold only to Latin-deprived, it's a ticket which cannot be used at all.
Liberal Democrats Looking for Some Way to Generate Interest
Glasgow- Liberal Dems have elected Daniel Radcliffe as their new leader. Their proposed plan for balancing the budget will involve Hogwarts sorcery, thus the crowning of "Harry Potter" as their king.
Ed Milibland Named the New Mascot for the Blancmange Industry
London-The Blancmange Collective has dubbed Ed Milibland their key figurehead. Said Chair Tucky Pudpot:Ed has just the type of bland consistency linked with a propensity to wiggle when really prodded.
Lab-grown penises soon ready for testing on human males
Heterosexuals ONLY may apply
Xander Harris arrested in Boise, ID
Self-described "vampire slayer wannabe" Xander Harris was arrested in a Boise hotel lobby for trying to "stake" guests while babbling "incoherently" about someone named Buffy who, "told me to do it."
Investigation Discovery Air Show Where Spouse Doesn't Kill Unsuspecting Partner
Investigation Discovery(ID) TV station fooled and angered many of their fans when they aired a show where there was a married couple and neither person killed the other.
"This is weird!" said a fan.
Miley Cyrus Cancels Strip Mall Tour When She Finds Out There is No Stripping
Miley assauged her disappointment by walking around Sunset Strip naked.
Gweneth Paltrow orgasms upon meeting Obummer
At a fund raiser, "actress" Gweneth Paltrow told President Obummer, "You're so handsome; I wish I were 162 million people, so my love for you could offset your negative ratings among other Americans!"
New Tesco CEO Dave 'alright Rodney' Lewis announces new Tesco in-store Panto 'Feet On The Floor' wherein 4,000 useless HQ & Corporate staff will work on shop floors to boost morale....every Lidl helps
Karl Rove and Dick Cheney Come Out of Closet Together
"We just can't keep our love secret any longer" Rove and Cheney said in a joint statement.
Train carrying crude oil derails and bursts into flames
Luddites behind Keystone oil pipeline ban pissing themselves for saying it could never happen
Woman sues DEA for 'spoofing' her as Farcebook dope dealer
Says drug agency geeks were so smashed on crystal meth they incorrectly dubbed her the weed queen of Colorado...despite living thosands of miles away in Joshua Tree, Ca.
Twitter sues FBI, DOJ to release government surveillance files
Deposition claims secret 'closed circuit' microblogging sites operated by the Pentagon are poaching millions of users from the site
Lion says he was stampeded by herd of raging wildebeests
Sues wildlife reserve for endangering his animal frights
Chef who 'Killed, cooked and ate' his transgender wife 'might have had a dark side'
No kidding, you serious??
Four year-old hands out 250 heroin baggies at daycare
Entrepreneurial start to a budding career in the recreational sector
Congresswoman Janice Hahn (D-Calif) wants Bratton to whip Secret Service into shape
Expect a VIP invite to her subterranean dungeon any day now to learn some awesome BDSM skills first hand
Ex-CIA Director says Obama 'lost his way' on national security
...the day he pulled that fast one about the Long Form birth certificate, heheh
Spanish nurse with Ebola is first to contract virus outside Texas
Lone Star State becoming a third world pandemic hub
NYC-born scientist wins Nobel Prize for discovering brain's 'VHS'
Apparently internal lymbic system has been hiding a primitive video home system in some sort of unexplor d internal crevice, duh!
Supreme Court rejects appeals from five states to prohibit gay marriage
You just gotta give gay divorce lawyers a chance to earn some decent dough days senior SCOTUS judge
Brit pleads not guilty to hiring hitman to kill wife on South Afriican honeymoon
Not guilty, your honor, it was never supposed to happen on honeymoon, just what kinda guy do you take me for?
Food that taxpayers are buying me really sucks says 560 pound sex offender
Folks keep bringing up food that makes me vomit says the guy, maybe they think they're enabling some sort of chromic bulimic?
US airports may add extra Ebola screaming says government
Uh, screening! Sorry guys.
Clarkson Second Number Plate Revealed As Name Badge
The sign, which reads BE11 END, was initially thought to be another numberplate
Ebola 'Spread Through Telepathy'
Experts claim that merely thinking about the virus can trigger an epidemic
The writing is on the wall
Cave art dating back 40,000 million years discovered......'Dave is a wanker!'
'There Are Too Many Foreigners In France,' Says French President Nicolas Sarkozy
'We've bin sayin' that for years,' agreed a typical English tourist. 'For a start, it's full of the French.'
Bianca Jagger launches new online charity auction
Pics show she's flogging off loads of dreary old tat to fund her flagging human frights foundation.
Susan Sarandon breaks silence on 18 year-old boyfriend
He has the most advanced lingual muscles - uh, skills! - I've ever encountered the 69 year-old scraggy couger said today
Putin ready to break out the blow torch and rave
Next month's freebasing and crack cocaine party at the Kremlin will his first since rehab
Top admin tangled in Catholic school sex scandal stripped of athletic duties
No more playing Blind Man's Buff in the showers with the girls
Coast Guard checking JFK for Ebola
Fears the dead president's coffin is leeching the virus a big concer say Feds
Colony of venomous spiders 'drives NYC first family from home'
No wonder Bill de Blasio's family moved to the official mayoral residency, Gracie Mansion, pity the poor tenants now living in his infested Park Slope house
Leaders react to plan for Election debate.
Little Ed Milipeed has shite himself..again.
Clegghorn-Foghorn has booked three weeks in the Sychelles.
Do-nothing-Dave has placed an order with Pampers.
Nasty Nigel ordered 24 crates of real ale!
Obummer's latest Ebola "protocol"
Reacting to criticism of his administration's handling of the Ebola crisis, Obummer has announced plans to dispatch "swat teams" armed with flyswatters to combat the disease wherever it next appears.
Catholic Archbishop Smith Of Southwark Commissions Investigation Into Former Head Of The Arundel And Brighton Diocese
'Bishop Kieran Conry has admitted to a legal, heterosexual relationship with a consenting adult woman,' said Archbishop Peter Smith. 'We see this as a huge leap forward for the Catholic Church.'
Not True That the Vice President's Son Was Kicked Out of Navy
Hunter Biden, Vice-President Joe Biden's youngest son, was not dishonorably discharged from the Navy due to taking cocaine. It was because he quit because of the low quality of the drugs, said Biden.
Science and Nutrition
Eggs are extremely bad for you , no they aren't , Oh Yes ,they are , after all , says expert
European Tectonic Plates
The Massif Central Mountain Range of France is eroding at a rate of 190% per month. The National Geographic Society says this is probably a factual error, but don't really care.
Democratic National Committee chair predicts "landslide victory"
DNC chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz predicts a "landslide victory" in next month's midterm elections. "The Republicans are going to win big time!" she said.
IMF Whistleblower reveals Tooth Fairy Accounts Audit
IMF Heads don't trust banks : 'I keep my cash under the mattress', says Christine Lagarde
Everybody Pretends Not to Know Tom Cruise
Former star Tom Cruise, who gets booed when viewed on JumboTron, was totally ignored when he walked around the most recent Scamatology meeting wearing a large gold plate he said was a cult medal.
Santa's Elf shops reindeer
A disgruntled Elf has revealed his harassment by Top Reindeer at Lapland GCHQ. The reindeer execs concerned, sent the Elf antler-based Instagrams and derided his pronunciation of the name : 'Prancer'
Budget airlines to pay staff 'rudeness' bonus
Penny-pinching customers not phased
A&E Patient gets biscuit with cup of tea in new government NHS spending
Hospital cleaning staff spotted cleaning something, sadly it wasn't their hands
'Yellow is the new pink', says colour blind Fashionista
Open hunting season declared on flamingoes
WHO finding shows keeping fit bad for health
Sweat reacting with latex can cause spontaneous combustion
New reality show to air soon
'Strictly Come Farming' will show the sexy side of silage!
Simpsons Show to Kill Off Bart Simpson
"You could say the whole Bart concept was getting old, but actually we just couldn't take Nancy Cartwright's Scamatology ravings any longer" spoke the show's producers.
Mixed -Peel Fraud
An underground gang dealing in illegal Christmas Pudding Ingredients are eluding Police. Their 80 Year Old Leader, 'Doris the Scar', is described as 'lethal' and vicious, by the London Met
Camilla Parker-Bowles Wins Kentucky Derby
Prince Charles was overjoyed when he announced to the press that his consort, Camilla Parker-Bowles, had just won the Kentucky Derby and would be entering the Preakness next.
Wi-Fi signal named "Al-Qaeda Free Terror Network" Results In Long Delay For Passengers At Los Angeles Airport
'Our networks are usually named as variations on: 'Moms apple pie - God Bless America,' confirmed an Al-Qaeda spokesman. 'Otherwise it would be a bit f***ing obvious.'
Plans Unveiled For £97m Supercomputer To Boost Met Office Computing Capacity By 13 Times
'We will still have no bloody idea,' confirmed a Met office expert, 'what tomorrow's weather will be in southern Hampshire.'
North Korea To Start Using Toilet Tissue For Currency
As North Koreans begin using toilet paper as hard currency, the old currency, 1950s U.S. trading stamps, are being quickly phased out and will be used as wallpaper in one of Kim Jong Un's palaces.
VP Biden Diagnosed With Quarantine-Mandatory Disease
Rochester, MN-VP "Loony Joe" Biden was diagnosed here as having the disease E-BUSHWAHH by Mayo Clinic specialists. The immediate reaction from the White House was to order permanent quarantine.
Obama Calls Secret Service On Sheet-Clad Trick-or-Treaters
"I just saw the sheets and thought KKK and I was afraid they were going to burn a cross on the lawn," spoke a terrorized Obama. "I forgot it was Halloween and that they might be ghosts."
One Night in Bagdad.
Andrew Lloyd Webbers new musical 'Bagdad Exodus' opening soon.."A blast"..Guardian...."I was blown away"...D Mirror..."Left me shell shocked"...D Mail..."Heavenly"...The Sun..."My 48DD hell"...D Sport
Kate In Sickness Fear
Princess Kate has been told to "stay away from work" due to her morning sickness. How will the economy cope without her smiling and waving when told?
Ebola Disease Hits Michigan
The Ebola disease has made its way to the U.S.The the first case was found in Texas. Now is it in Michigan? A woman in Troy has been showing symptoms. The woman is now in holding and is being tested.
President Obummer: unemployment down
President Barack Obummer takes credit for single-handedly reducing the U. S.'s long-term unemployment. "Due to me, both Eric Holder and Julia Pierson recently resigned, making way for new hires."
God jokingly telling everyone who asks to run for 2016 GOP nomination
As He has done in past elections, God shows his sense of humor in his support of presidential candidates. "Late night tv comedians really depend on my endorsements", He said with a laugh.
Stephen Collins was 'just kidding'
Outrage as the star appears to claim his activities weren't serious
BBC receives Eastenders Furniture Complaint
The Kitchen Table on which Linda Carter was raped speaks out, claiming that Dean later returned and varnished it's surface without consent before promising that he wouldn't tell
League: Kaepernick's behavior "sexist"
49er's quarterback Colin Rand Kaepernick was "reprimanded" and "fined" for wearing pink Beats headphones in support of the NFL's "Love the Boobies" breast cancer awareness campaign.
CNN layoffs loom
Unable to compete with Fox News, CNN has announced the layoff of its news crews. "From now on," owner Ted Turner says, "we just do human interest stuff and other fluff."
Supreme Court says it's okay to be gay
The US Supreme Court has decreed that Americans have the right to be gay. The Constitution, they ruled, implies this, just as it does rights to abortion, Obamacare, and anything else politicians want.
Obama Importing Deadly Communicable Diseases
BREAKING NEWS! President Obama has decided to import deadly communicable diseases for the purpose of population control.
Martha Stewart on Gweneth Paltrow's need to change lifestyle brand name
After visiting Gweneth Paltrow's lifestyle advice blog, Goop, Martha Stewart advised her would-be competitor to rename it. "A more fitting title," Stewart fumed, "would be Poop."
Runaway teens want to come home after joining ISIS
Two Austrian teenage girls who left home to join ISIS want to return home. "Beheading people isn't as fun as we thought it would be," one whined. "It's messy," the other agreed, "and sort of gross."
Cruise ship Ebola free--this time
A health worker who potentially put the 4,000 passengers aboard a Carousel Cruise Lines ship at risk for Ebola tested negative. "Next time," she said, "I will try harder."
Police baffled by mysterious find
Police searching for a missing woman found the remains of a human female that closely resemble her. Mystified, the head of the Missing Persons Bureau admits, "Now, we don't know what to do."
Jennifer Aniston: "I was up to the job"
Before she became famous as the Girl Next Door Who Is Most Likely To, actress Jennifer Aniston earned her living servicing johns. "The porcelain ones," she clarified, "not the horny kind."
Obama... Ordinary like us.
Yesterday, President Obama was refused entry into a restaurant for not wearing a tie and later fined for double parking and... ordered to return his library books... and thrown off a tram...and...